I have sadistic masturbation fantasies...

I can only have an orgasm when I think about something sadistic or evil. When a woman suffers, is tortured or harmed, humiliated. I masturbate while watching a birth scene for example. It has always turned me on. It makes me feel good. I'm not part of it, I'm just observing it in my fantasies. I like to see women suffer. He he. I think I'm very different. I don't have sex with people but I think I also wouldn't want to do any SM stuff in reality. I'm a woman. Is it because I hate women? It's been like this since my teens. Is it normal?