I have no idea what i want!

I'm 19 and i have no dreams for the future, i have no idea what i want and i have no idea what makes me happy or fulfilled. I was abondonded by my mother at the age of 6 with a little brother to take care of on my own, my mother's side of the family hates us they tried their hardest to get rid of us and starve us but my grandmother kept us safe i moved around alot and i was abused by the other members of the family by then i grew up cynical and i hated everyone even when i met ppl who care alot about me i always ruined that i got scared that they would one day hate me just like my mother did so i ruined the relationship and cut all ties and drifted around changing from home to home, i found refuge in books i'd read until the sun came up i'd drown myself in a fictional world i always hated everything and swore i would become someone with power someone strong enough to protect my brother and most times it was just and excuse...to give myself i goal something i couldn't even strive for. I feel as though i'm useless i have no dreams no goals nothing i have no idea what i want to do i have no idea who i am i have no understanding of what it is i desire from life i have no friends i'm reclusive i just stay in my room all day and watch anime i'm scared that even talking to someone they'll just reject me so i reject the idea of them i want to work but don't have the courage to make that first step to find a job i want to do something but i have no idea what..i have no idea what to do...