I have no friends in college and i feel extremely lonely and depressed

loneliness is the worst feeling in the world. it doesnt go away, even amidst ur so-called "friends". i also want to be make new friends who i can speak my mind to, but people either ignore me for the most part or i sound forced/awkward when i try to make conversation. my parents tell me to just open up and be yourself, but i don't know how to be open and happy, especially when i go to club meetings and i feel left out while everyone else knows each other and seems to have a good time. i just don't know what to say or how to act when i meet new people.. once i get to know someone, i'm pretty comfortable but i'm bad at first introductions. being ignored and feeling unimportant is the worst feeling in the world.

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Based on 106 votes (89 yes)
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Comments ( 28 )
  • TheIntellect

    Same here mang, birds of a feather. I feel alone no matter what I do now though, just come to terms with it.

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    • ruintopreserve

      Same here. All I can say is good luck.

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  • CountryRoads

    I was like this too. I would cry because nobody in my major talked to me...it was worse than them hating me because they literally ignored my presence.
    It gets better. Life has these rough patches, but it always works out.
    Try joining a club or organization doing something you like or are interested in trying. Or get a part time job. Making friends isn't a forced thing- it happens on it's own.
    You'll find people who appreciate you.

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  • Ldizzy1234

    First I will say, you aren't unimportant. Got it? ;) And the conversations that you have in the beginning when you first meet someone, you're right. They can be really hard. I thought it was hard too, but then I realized how much easier it is, when I don't think so much into it. Most of the people that I've met in college, I've met through, pretty much, just random encounters. I remember I was at the book store on campus, standing on line, and a guy walked in, and happened to be standing behind me. The line was long, and I just started talking to him about how I couldn't believe how many were on the line. The line stretched out the door.

    Then we got into conversation about where we both were from, and before we knew it, we became friends. We would meet eachother during our breaks, and study together, etc. And that story is similar to how I met many other people too. Sometimes I would just be sitting on one of the benches, and someone would come over and sit next to me, and we would begin to talk.

    You'll be fine. So... "Hey, Cute top. Would you mind If I asked, where you got it?" ....

    It's easier then you think.

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  • maddie123

    Me too. College sucks in the friend department

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  • howaminotmyself

    I think you worry too much. Do you think they are intentionally ignoring you, or do you just not connect with them?

    Opening your heart to someone can be very difficult as we often undermine our own intentions and find ourselves in a cycle of self sabotage. And as cheesy as it sounds, you need to love yourself before you can believe that other people can love that person too. No one likes to feel friendless, but sometimes you find friends in the strangest of places.

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  • Optamus

    do what you like to do, you'll undoubtedly be able to talk with the people you share interests with.

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  • dunder8mifflin

    Truth be told I've been through this and sometimes still do go through it. My opinion on our type of depression is that we are not shallow people that are content with what is merely on the surface. I find that I get annoyed by people because they don't want to truly talk to you, like they are waiting for you to shut up already. I am a person that likes to speak to people heart to heart. I cut to the crap, and from the looks of it so do you. What I suggest is that you maybe join a club or play a sport as a sort of ice breaker. I started playing tennis through an acquaintance I met through a game of basket ball. I now play tennis with them every Saturday and we usually go eat after or go take part in activities such as bowling and mini golf. The most important thing is to not stop trying. If this doesn't work I might suggest going to a Christian church. I'm not trying to push that on you but I do find that churches usually have some good people and usually have events where you can meet new people.

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  • salvatorre

    I'd recommend seeking out people with similar mind-states. It also may be beneficial to take one of the tried and true Myers-Briggs personality types tests to find what your personality type is, and learn your weaknesses. Once you know what you need to work on in order to better relate to others, you may find social interaction effortless. If nothing else works, learn to be secure with your self and you may find that other people aren't quite as important anymore.

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  • Terence_the_viking

    Yep everyone does it

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  • punjaba11

    find your groooove. smoke some herb. sit alone in your room and find completeness with yourself. expose yourself to music by the Greats. delve into new genres. if you're a country guy, listen to Outkast Aquemini, if you're a rocker guy, try Esthero's Breath From Another. find a music that gives you a centered feeling in your chest and let it water your roots.
    love yourself. others will follow suit.

    read this book ASAP:

    “Why do you want to shut out of your life any uneasiness, any misery, any depression, since after all you don't know what work these conditions are doing inside you? Why do you want to persecute yourself with the question of where all this is coming from and where it is going? Since you know, after all, that you are in the midst of transitions and you wished for nothing so much as to change. If there is anything unhealthy in your reactions, just bear in mind that sickness is the means by which an organism frees itself from what is alien; so one must simply help it to be sick, to have its whole sickness and to break out with it, since that is the way it gets better.”
    ― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

    “Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.”
    ― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

    read the words of great people. I understand college provides plenty of required reading. but grab something like Rumi or Hafiz, MLK, Gandhi, the Dalali Lama, or read what Buddha taught, or Jesus. i'm not saying to indoctrinate yourself into any religious or philosophical mode. but these resources will enlighten your sense of the social self. when we can see things in retrospect, we can choose to place less emphasis on fears as we are confronted with them.

    cuss alot. never become a smoker, but smoke cigarettes once in awhile. you need to rebel against the walls of yourself you have been building up. if you want a personal revolution, i'm not telling you to be irresponsible with your health or family or obligations. but in your personal time, time you spend lonely and feeling like you don't fit in; USE THAT TIME to find your mojo man.

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  • cannibus14

    couple things... first of all you're so normal :)

    about the depression in college thing... i felt like that my freshman year and even talked to a counselor (only at the end of the year because i tried to ignore my depression all year). and she wasn't that helpful ..but only because she kept saying i was completely normal.
    it's so normal to look around and think everyone else is having a good time... especially when you're at social events like club meetings.

    despite everyone's advice, most people don't go to clubs by themselves or with people they don't know that well.. so that's why they always seem to be having a good time. and you know why they only go with people they already know? because they're scared. they're scared of feeling lonely with around a ton of people they don't know. so props to you for being brave!!

    and then about the hating yourself ..i have definitely been there. from my experiences i really think it's related to depression. when you're depressed, it's hard to focus on conversations and to feel comfortable enough to just talk about simple things. you crave being able to talk about your depression to someone, and not just about how pretty someone's clothes are. you feel like you need close friends to talk to about heavy stuff like depression to be happy and get better. and that's probably true, but you start expecting it from everyone, or expect it to come easily.

    you start thinking something is wrong with you because you don't feel close to people, but in reality you can't get genuinely close everybody really quickly.. you might find people you get close with fast but there will only be like 2 or 3 of those people in you're entire life. that's just what's normal.

    i'm probably emotionally close to my dad, to my oldest friend, and to my most depressed friend. i have a boyfriend, other friends, and the rest of my family that i love and care for, but i can't be at that special emotional level with everybody in my life. lacking that deep spiritual connection doesn't mean loving and having fun with people isn't possible.

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  • ColdHeat

    Speed(amphetamines) is a great way to really open up and talk to people.Normal barriers and inhibitions are discarded and socialization becomes a priority.

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  • Andyailin

    I feel reflected on your experience. I even thought I was the only person in the world who feels so lonely. I want to be your friend.

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  • Fluffybunny

    I feel exactly the same...Even though I say it myself I am a very loyal friend, and like to share and to listen to people (at least if they are not completely incompatible with me), but I find it very difficult to make new friends, which means to find people who is more or less alike.

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  • dbwm

    Jesus, looks like you got nothin to loose. So make an ass out of yourself and talk to people. lossen up! have a drink, something! If it doesnt work out your back to where ya are now, like I said nothin to loose everythin to gain! Be an idiot, people will def like ya more

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  • kerkster92

    thanks everyone for your help. i'll try my best not to be discouraged and keep looking for people out there like you guys :) just a side question, how can you start to love yourself? i hate myself so much when people ignore me or i can't achieve something i want because i feel like there is something wrong with me. i really don't know how to love myself unless i become good at something or gain approval from others. is there something wrong with me??

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    • howaminotmyself

      You want to know a secret? There is something "wrong" with everybody. Many just choose to ignore that little voice. I think you need to drop-kick yours.

      One thing I find helpful is telling myself how awesome I am on a regular basis. And I tell other people they are awesome too. I don't always believe it for myself, but the more I do this, the more I believe it. And then other people start to catch on, it makes me laugh out loud and I end up having a wonderful day. It takes practice.

      I didn't have a lot of friends in college and looking back, I realized they didn't meet my standards. They are some of the dullest people I've ever met.

      Don't be so hard on yourself. You sound like a kind person. Just try to extend this kindness to yourself.

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    • t17

      Just hang in there, just be yourself with people. Now, I'm not saying that everyone will accept you because everyone's completely different. Eventually, you'll make some friends, and whenever they invite you back to theirs or a party or anything, just go for it as that'll give you an opportunity to meet even more people. Just don't feel depressed about it, stay optimistic and you'll be just fine. Good luck, my friend.

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  • If you go to these clubs with a friend that is quite good at talking then take them with you and they will be your way to being introduced to everyone else.

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  • rayst

    Lol udi

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  • Not_Who_I_Say_I_Am

    Clubz don't always help.. next time try a diamond or a heart for a change ;)

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    • Not_Who_I_Say_I_Am

      I just repeated myself. Enjoy!

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  • starshefin

    dont worry just minkle...

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  • skyhuh24

    Awww it gets better. Don't feel left out. You make what you can out of it. You are not alone because I identify the same exact way.

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  • Inspector019

    It's called social anxiety, a lot of people struggle with it. It is especially difficult when you are younger and haven't developed your self confidence or established your identity. Only way to overcome this is to force yourself to do things out of your comfort zone. Initiate a conversation. Who cares what other people think about you? It won't matter 10 years from now. Stop stressing over what kids will think of you it isn't important. Just force yourself to live outside of your comfort zone to build your inner strength. :)

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  • Get counseling. Join a club.

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    • Not_Who_I_Say_I_Am

      Clubs dont always help.. try diamond or a heart next time ;)

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