I have an immense fear of men and i feel like i can't live with it anymore

First and foremost I have to apologize if anything comes off as rude. I don't promote inequality or prejudice of any sort, my problems are solely due to bad past experiences & are difficult to keep in control.
I have a serious case of social anxiety. And I'm scared of men. This might sound abnormally hilarious but as someone who always feel nauseous and uneasy whenever a male individual attempts to interact with me (face to face) it is really not funny. Never once have I felt at peace when a male individual is within a 2-metre radius.
I've had some spooky things happen to me, let's not talk about them for now. The phobia is affecting me greatly and people around me judge me so much that I want to pack up and immediately leave my house. They need to stop questioning me and ask why I can't do better because I cannot. No one would help me I cry everyday in the fucking shower because I'd either unintentionally offend somebody or embarrass myself.
I've asked so many people on and off line, I still have hope, I'm young and can afford wasting some opportunities but this mustn't continue any further.

Voting Results
47% Normal
Based on 15 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 22 )
  • 1WeirdGuy

    Look up cognitive behavioral therapy. Thats one of the only ones that is proven to help these types of things. Try not to start using drugs or alcohol to cope. It will work only temporarily and ruin your life if you starts treating it with drugs.

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    • dead_cactus

      Thank you for the suggestion, and yes I certainly would not follow detrimental methods.

      Have a good day/night.

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      • BleedingPain

        What ever you do dont google CBT

        Edit: i guess Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is more popular than the alternate CBT

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      • 1234tellmethatyoulovememore

        Look up DBT too. It's extremely helpful and a very proactive therapy.

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    • ElysianGod

      This really helps a lot, it will train your brain to not have intrusive thoughts all the time. Good advice.

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  • momgetthecamera

    I wish I couldn't relate but I can. I'm sorry you had such unfair circumstances and I think it can get better, but it's important that you don't beat yourself up for having anxieties, it's not your fault. As long as your doing your best, you're doing ok, and it's ok if you're not free of phobia yet, as long as you don't stop trying to get better.
    Don't let other people make you feel like you aren't enough, they haven't been in your shoes and had your experiences. You don't need to hide your shyness.
    I try to count backwards from 1000 in eights to distract myself. If you have any friends to go out with, that might be like training wheels. And adding on, I think cognitive behavioural therapy may help, God bless you.

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    • dead_cactus

      Thank you for the suggestions. I'm trying to convince myself and make attempts at changing my current conditions, but things rarely ever work out, quite unfortunately. I've allowed it to influence my ways of thinking for too long and now I'm just dead scared of the consequences coming my way if I continue to allow it.

      Anyways, have a nice day/night.

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      • momgetthecamera

        You too cactus <3

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  • RoseIsabella

    I think you should seek out a therapist to work through this with, and a self-defense class to give you confidence.

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    • 1234tellmethatyoulovememore

      I agree with the self defense class! Or take up boxing or some sort of defensive fitness, it can really help with anxiety and working that energy off.

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      • RoseIsabella

        Yes.

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  • ElysianGod

    It's totally normal, men can be scary especially when they don't understand boundaries and try too get to comfortable with you. However you shouldn't be afraid of every male that tries to interact with you. Try to practice with a male figure at work, school or at home and see if you can lower your guards down enough to have a conversation with them. Men aren't all bad, society just points them out to be. I think you should go see a therapist about it though, see if they can help you out with the traumas that you've faced in the past. Hope you get better with time, and you learn to cope with males in the future. Best of luck to you. :)

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  • You've accepted that this is a problem and that's a great first step. I dont think anyone here can help you with this, you need to find someone who's more equipped to handle this situation with you more personally and professionally.

    Dont stagnate on it, you cant go on like this and you're still young. Not getting this sorted from a young age can and will hinder your life going forward.

    You're not a bad person for having a phobia, you cant help that. You do control what happens next though. Good luck. Trust me, once you get past the phobia you'll have our terrible dad jokes to fear. Lol.

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  • MandMs52

    Do you have a man you trust? I.e, dad, brother, cousin, etc? Practice socializing with them and it may become easier. And then branch out. Talk to the guys who are waiters, cashiers at the grocery store.

    And get some therapy, I'm in therapy right now ( I'm female with a male therapist). It has been great so far. I never thought therapy would work for me (of course, maybe go with a female therapist, if you have fears of men. Or maybe go with a male therapist).

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  • darefu

    Carry bear spray and anytime a male is within range hit him with it.

    Won't be long you won't need to worry about talking or interacting with one.

    They deserve it anyway!

    Hey it's better than a machete or razor knife.

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    • dead_cactus

      Haha have to admit I've done exactly that during some of my fever dreams

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  • 1234tellmethatyoulovememore

    You need to get therapy for this. I think this is a much more common phobia than people realize, but of course men will get butthurt if you mention it. There are very real reasons women are afraid of men. There was a poll on here a couple weeks ago asking what age women were when men first hit on them, and the most common age was 10-12. Men and society have an issue with sexualizing underage girls. Rock stars used to openly flaunt the 14 year old groupies they were basically kidnapping and abusing.

    I had two male relatives who brutally abused me, one molested me from the age 6 to 7 and again at 16, and the other would beat and choke me and slam my head into the wall. No one would protect me and would take the side of my abusers. Even when police were called, my family would tell them it was my fault and I was suicidal and they would take ME away in handcuffs. CPS wasn't notified until my teacher notified them.

    I ended up with a major distrust of men and severe c-ptsd. Luckily I ended up falling in love with a really awesome man who was the first person in my entire life to tell me what happened to me was abuse. I had to wait until I was an adult for someone to tell me I wasn't such a horrible pos who deserved that.

    I'm not going to say any of this is "normal" but it is definitely something common. Regardless, you need to get professional help for your anxiety and phobia. It's affecting your ability to function. I wish you all the best, I am sorry you are going through this.

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  • Meowypowers

    It sounds like you need to work on yourself more than anything. I can understand that you may have had traumatic experiencences with a certain group, but it is not up for society to quell the pains from your personal trauma, and for it to readjust itself to make you comfortable.

    It is only fair for both yourself and the world around you for you to correct your personal issues.

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  • chiisana_izumi

    i feel like this as well. i try to deal with it but since most men are awful to me it sometimes feels like i'll never be able to even speak to men normally again. but i'll keep trying and you should too. just know that you're not alone, many people feel the same way. i really hope it gets better for you soon ♡

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  • Tommythecaty

    If you’re a woman, it’s other women you should fear. Just ask one.

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    • 1234tellmethatyoulovememore

      Lol no

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      • Tommythecaty

        Oh yes....

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