Ask Your Question today
I tend to feel jealous when someone I secretly have a crush on talk to other people and have a good laugh with them. It reminds me of my failure of being an entertaining person to capture his attention. I am a fucking loser and pathetic because I can't help myself feeling such inevitable jealousy.
What you're describing sounds more like envy than jealousy to me.
For example, let's pretend I see a gorgeous guy that I'm attracted to, but he's with this beautiful girl who looks like a model, and then I find myself wishing I could look, and have her life to be with that guy. Well, that's envy.
Here's another example, say for instance I'm dating this awesome, cool dude. He's is a band, and is kinda popular, but this stupid girl keeps trying to flirt with him, and she's falling all over him. I feel insecure, because she's cute, and although my boyfriend isn't interested in this girl. He's just polite, but I find myself hating her, because I'm afraid she'll steal my boyfriend. Well, that's jealousy.
Anyway, those were both just hypothetical scenarios that I created simply for the purpose of illustrating the difference between the two terms.
Just try not to let yourself get carried away in your mind when you have a crush on someone. A crush is really just an attraction at best, and an obsession at worst.
That's a side effect of insecurity. You work on your confidence and being content with your own self and the jealousy will decrease.
This sounds like the inner monologue of almost every teenager in the world.
You're wrong though. You aren't a loser or pathetic. Everyone feels jealousy at some time or another, it's human.
It's a long road to building up self esteem and learning to love yourself. I'm middle-aged and I'm still working on it, but I'm doing pretty well with it now.
It starts by being kind to yourself, and squashing these negative thoughts when they pop up. Then you change focus - instead of sitting there wondering why this guy/girl is talking to someone else instead of you, you start filling your time with things that you enjoy. Get a new hobby, read a new book, learn to paint, learn an instrument, go out and make some new friends, take a language class etc. Exercise helps too. It lifts your mood and makes you feel good about yourself.
Jealousy is natural. I’m jealous when I see my parents’ neighbour in his Porsche. I’m going to smash that shit up with a baseball bat one day
You're not a pathetic loser, this is EXTREMELY normal, especially if you're young. Possibly one of the most normal things on this site.
Most people crave being the center of their crush's attention and being able to make them laugh and have positive reactions towards them, and feel like their chances with that person may be threatened if someone else manages to do that instead.
I agree with ellnell and SwickDinging that it's also a side effect of insecurity, though (which all of us have or have dealt with to some extent at some point), and that working on how you feel about yourself will definitely help with this.
Being jealous isn't good nor should you beat yourself up, you should find solutions to beat jealousy as jealousy isn't a healthy mindset to have.