It's normal for relationships to go through phases, and not many go on for decades of mutual blissful contentment.
The early days are usually pretty intense, but not many people can handle that insanity for long. So the relationship shifts into something a little calmer, where both people start to notice the other's failings, but they don't matter much because they're still in the warm, fuzzy afterglow of infatuation. After that, comes the difficult bit, during which you have to figure out how to deal with various conflicts, tensions and disagreements. If both people care about the other person and respect them, they both have a fair degree of emotional maturity and they're both willing to compromise and put in the work necessary to make the relationship work, then that's usually possible. In other cases, people decide that since they're no longer feeling pop-song lurve, then the other person has suddenly become an asshole, the relationship is dead, and the only option is to move on.
From what you say, it sounds like your husband is not a happy person. It also seems that he no longer respects you (assuming he ever did), he isn't too concerned about your happiness and he's probably taking you for granted.
It's possible that you've grown as a person over the years and your view of the world has slowly shifted, while he's remained stuck, so your perception of him has changed. Or you might have remained more or less the same in general outlook, while he's changed in ways that are incompatible with that.
Whatever the case, if he's not willing to talk to you calmly and rationally about the things you find unpleasant about your relationship as it is now, or if you're really certain that there's no way you can ever enjoy living with the guy again, then obviously you need to start looking for a way out.
Staying in a loveless relationship that you're sure has no chance of ever getting better is soul-destroying, and you'd be doing neither him or yourself any favours if you stuck to your marriage vows out of a sense of duty, or because this was the easiest thing to do.
I hate my husband
← View full post
It's normal for relationships to go through phases, and not many go on for decades of mutual blissful contentment.
The early days are usually pretty intense, but not many people can handle that insanity for long. So the relationship shifts into something a little calmer, where both people start to notice the other's failings, but they don't matter much because they're still in the warm, fuzzy afterglow of infatuation. After that, comes the difficult bit, during which you have to figure out how to deal with various conflicts, tensions and disagreements. If both people care about the other person and respect them, they both have a fair degree of emotional maturity and they're both willing to compromise and put in the work necessary to make the relationship work, then that's usually possible. In other cases, people decide that since they're no longer feeling pop-song lurve, then the other person has suddenly become an asshole, the relationship is dead, and the only option is to move on.
From what you say, it sounds like your husband is not a happy person. It also seems that he no longer respects you (assuming he ever did), he isn't too concerned about your happiness and he's probably taking you for granted.
It's possible that you've grown as a person over the years and your view of the world has slowly shifted, while he's remained stuck, so your perception of him has changed. Or you might have remained more or less the same in general outlook, while he's changed in ways that are incompatible with that.
Whatever the case, if he's not willing to talk to you calmly and rationally about the things you find unpleasant about your relationship as it is now, or if you're really certain that there's no way you can ever enjoy living with the guy again, then obviously you need to start looking for a way out.
Staying in a loveless relationship that you're sure has no chance of ever getting better is soul-destroying, and you'd be doing neither him or yourself any favours if you stuck to your marriage vows out of a sense of duty, or because this was the easiest thing to do.