So either you knew the kid was like that before you got seriously involved & living with his father, or the kid dramatically changed recently: which is it?
If the former, you knew what you were getting and it should've been sorted out long long ago and certainly before you got pregnant.
Kids on access visits are often ulruly and badly behaved: he could well be experiencing the effects of his parents' breakup. Access visits are often difficult for the non-custodial parent (having been one, I know): sounds as if the lot of you could do with some family therapy. There's often a need to try and make the access visit as perfect as possible and to spoil the kid and avoid any conflict which would spoil their time together.
I point out that you're the adult and I'm concerned you can't deal with this kids' behavior when he's not even with you all the time. Labelling him as having a mental illness isn't helpful. Can you talk calmly and non-judgmentally with the father (NOT when the kid is there) and focus on how the behaviour makes you feel and how you'd like it to change and then LISTEN.
Hating a child is just ridiculous. Seems to me there's more going on there than you're telling us
Okay when my bf and I first got together, before meeting his child, he did tell me he had behavior issues. Now hearing this, I’m thinking okay he’s a little boy and I know how my little boy was and at times he was just absolutely hell on wheels. Fast forward to meeting the child, at first he only brought him around maybe 4 or 5 times cause my sister disliked him. (My BF had moved in with me at my sisters place) well she over heard he was coming and was like oh I hate him! I was baffled cause he’s a kid and had only been around her like 4 times. So he stopped coming over completely so I never really knew the real behavior of the child until my bf and I got our own place and he started bring his child over every single weekend. Well I still went unbothered by his child’s actions for several months. I mean I’d get agitated cause I’d try to be a parent and he’d just basically laugh in my face, like who the hell am I to even be speaking to him. Fast forward some more, we decide to get pregnant. That’s when I really started noticing all of it. All of the annoying and disrespectful behavior. How he acted towards my son and how he treated my sons belongings (he destroys them btw) I asked my BF more about the repetitive speech because even his grandmother is convinced he’s autistic or has something going on. But my bf and his ex won’t do anything. The most that happened was they took him to his regular pediatrician and she said he’s a kid. He’s gonna act bad sometimes. It I’ve honestly never seen a child act the way my bfs son does. I also agree family therapy would be good. Because my bf stopped trying to bond with my child once he knew he no longer needed to impress me. Before he knew I had an issue with his sons behavior. And I’ve never been able to bond with his kid.
You tried to be his parent? Maybe that's the problem, because you're not, he already has two parents. And you only became really bothered by it when you became pregnant?
And now your bf has stopped bonding with your child and you hate his?
CAN'T YOU SEE HOW HARMFUL THIS IS TO THE TWO KIDS ALREADY THERE AN THE ONE YOU'RE EXPECTING? You and your bf need to GROW UP and stop inflicting your own bullshit on defenceless children.
You clearly didn’t actually read any of that. Okay, I tried to be step parent, not his mommy. His actual mother is remarried and has the child called her new partner daddy. And she also told my bf that she’d be fine with him calling me mommy but I thought that was just weird cause I’m not his mother. I demand respect in my home and the child DOES NOT give it to me, but I’ve never tried to be his mother. As for my bf, I’m not sure why he stopped trying to bond with my kid. Maybe he hasn’t. He does work a lot so maybe I’m being hard on my bf. But we don’t inflict our issues into our children. Okay 👌🏻
I hate my boyfriends son and I think he has a mental illness
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So either you knew the kid was like that before you got seriously involved & living with his father, or the kid dramatically changed recently: which is it?
If the former, you knew what you were getting and it should've been sorted out long long ago and certainly before you got pregnant.
Kids on access visits are often ulruly and badly behaved: he could well be experiencing the effects of his parents' breakup. Access visits are often difficult for the non-custodial parent (having been one, I know): sounds as if the lot of you could do with some family therapy. There's often a need to try and make the access visit as perfect as possible and to spoil the kid and avoid any conflict which would spoil their time together.
I point out that you're the adult and I'm concerned you can't deal with this kids' behavior when he's not even with you all the time. Labelling him as having a mental illness isn't helpful. Can you talk calmly and non-judgmentally with the father (NOT when the kid is there) and focus on how the behaviour makes you feel and how you'd like it to change and then LISTEN.
Hating a child is just ridiculous. Seems to me there's more going on there than you're telling us
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Olivejuice
5 years ago
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Okay when my bf and I first got together, before meeting his child, he did tell me he had behavior issues. Now hearing this, I’m thinking okay he’s a little boy and I know how my little boy was and at times he was just absolutely hell on wheels. Fast forward to meeting the child, at first he only brought him around maybe 4 or 5 times cause my sister disliked him. (My BF had moved in with me at my sisters place) well she over heard he was coming and was like oh I hate him! I was baffled cause he’s a kid and had only been around her like 4 times. So he stopped coming over completely so I never really knew the real behavior of the child until my bf and I got our own place and he started bring his child over every single weekend. Well I still went unbothered by his child’s actions for several months. I mean I’d get agitated cause I’d try to be a parent and he’d just basically laugh in my face, like who the hell am I to even be speaking to him. Fast forward some more, we decide to get pregnant. That’s when I really started noticing all of it. All of the annoying and disrespectful behavior. How he acted towards my son and how he treated my sons belongings (he destroys them btw) I asked my BF more about the repetitive speech because even his grandmother is convinced he’s autistic or has something going on. But my bf and his ex won’t do anything. The most that happened was they took him to his regular pediatrician and she said he’s a kid. He’s gonna act bad sometimes. It I’ve honestly never seen a child act the way my bfs son does. I also agree family therapy would be good. Because my bf stopped trying to bond with my child once he knew he no longer needed to impress me. Before he knew I had an issue with his sons behavior. And I’ve never been able to bond with his kid.
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Ellenna
5 years ago
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You tried to be his parent? Maybe that's the problem, because you're not, he already has two parents. And you only became really bothered by it when you became pregnant?
And now your bf has stopped bonding with your child and you hate his?
CAN'T YOU SEE HOW HARMFUL THIS IS TO THE TWO KIDS ALREADY THERE AN THE ONE YOU'RE EXPECTING? You and your bf need to GROW UP and stop inflicting your own bullshit on defenceless children.
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Olivejuice
5 years ago
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You clearly didn’t actually read any of that. Okay, I tried to be step parent, not his mommy. His actual mother is remarried and has the child called her new partner daddy. And she also told my bf that she’d be fine with him calling me mommy but I thought that was just weird cause I’m not his mother. I demand respect in my home and the child DOES NOT give it to me, but I’ve never tried to be his mother. As for my bf, I’m not sure why he stopped trying to bond with my kid. Maybe he hasn’t. He does work a lot so maybe I’m being hard on my bf. But we don’t inflict our issues into our children. Okay 👌🏻