You need to break up. Or at least tell him you need a break to go back home see your family and friends. And then you can talk to them about this mess. Become reconnected with who you once were with the people who know you best. You're family should know you better than him. And you're young, so have plenty of chances to fall in love again if things don't work out. It's amazing that you stayed with after her cheated on you twice, and it's not ironic that you happened to cheat on him twice too after that. That's spiteful revenge, and you earned it. But revenge only hurts you both. Also, I don't believe you really love each other. People who are in love don't stray. You may feel attached to him, or just so use to him that you can't imagine everyday life without him. Your relationship is harmful.
I feel like I don't have a personality anymore.
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You need to break up. Or at least tell him you need a break to go back home see your family and friends. And then you can talk to them about this mess. Become reconnected with who you once were with the people who know you best. You're family should know you better than him. And you're young, so have plenty of chances to fall in love again if things don't work out. It's amazing that you stayed with after her cheated on you twice, and it's not ironic that you happened to cheat on him twice too after that. That's spiteful revenge, and you earned it. But revenge only hurts you both. Also, I don't believe you really love each other. People who are in love don't stray. You may feel attached to him, or just so use to him that you can't imagine everyday life without him. Your relationship is harmful.