I feel like a fake person
I've anger issue, easily annoyed, curses a lot and have occasional dark, disturbing fantasy I would love to inflict on certain people.
However, When I am around friends and strangers, I am not being my true self. I act very nice, friendly and happy-go-lucky. The facade is convincing to the point some of them treated me like a doormat and a loser. I do this because I know I'll have no friends and they'll hate me if they ever know my true personality.
One day, this one dipshit who occasionally disturbed me at college went too far. He humiliated me and made me look like a fool in front of many people there because of this sweet person facade I pulled off. I can't take it anymore for faking myself and raged in front of them. I cursed him profusely and kinda lost control of my attitude. Until then, people were shocked and he never pulled those shit on me anymore.
Then, I thought they would hate me after I showed my real personality but I found out they still misunderstood me. They thought I became aggressive because of bad influence from friends but not from my own personality so I still somehow have friends. I try to change but it's so hard because I am scared of gettimg hated on so I still continue faking myself now.
I feel like a fake for doing this but if I never mask my true terrible personality, they'll hate me for sure.