I read enough to get an idea where you are coming from. You aren't alone in feeling like that. I can't say I fucked up the same way you did, but you hear about homeless people and ex-convicts turning things around all the time, I'm sure you can to.
As for the embarrassment and anxiety. I know that all too well. Can't tell you how I often I obsess over the fact that I not only did a leap year but I dropped out of University in my first semester. Some other shitola happened outside of my control but it's been 5 years since I dropped out and time has stood still. I've grown and changed but I still feel years behind everyone.
I always feel awkward about suggesting this because having a relationship with God is a big deal but I really benefited from seeking Christ and finding a church. Community can be strong in church and I was lucky enough to find one. I felt like, with time of course, that I could open up about things and in general it felt very supportive and accepting, even though I hated myself I didn't feel hated by them. And that was a fucking blessing.
I feel i fucked up my life so badly that I'm far behind people my age
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I read enough to get an idea where you are coming from. You aren't alone in feeling like that. I can't say I fucked up the same way you did, but you hear about homeless people and ex-convicts turning things around all the time, I'm sure you can to.
As for the embarrassment and anxiety. I know that all too well. Can't tell you how I often I obsess over the fact that I not only did a leap year but I dropped out of University in my first semester. Some other shitola happened outside of my control but it's been 5 years since I dropped out and time has stood still. I've grown and changed but I still feel years behind everyone.
I always feel awkward about suggesting this because having a relationship with God is a big deal but I really benefited from seeking Christ and finding a church. Community can be strong in church and I was lucky enough to find one. I felt like, with time of course, that I could open up about things and in general it felt very supportive and accepting, even though I hated myself I didn't feel hated by them. And that was a fucking blessing.