I feel i fucked up my life so badly that I'm far behind people my age

In short, nobody here will read your question because it doesn't have any paragraphs. They're busy judging people who write more well formatted stories about touching their cousin's boobs when they were 12.

I think you're just fine, lots of people do dumb things in college. You're kind of supposed to. You've got nothing holding you back anyway. If you were severely brain damaged and living on the streets maybe a "what's the point" attitude would make more sense.