I feel guilty around a person i know, are they are making me feel that way?

Feeling guilty, meaning in expressing my own needs, wants, desires, opinions, etc. I hold back, it feels like there is this weight on me, holding me down, I attribute that to guilt.

This has happened at work. Sometimes I think it's triggered by their behavior or something they say or do in respond to something I'm asking or wanting.

I hate this feeling. It's pretty constant at times and it definitely makes me feel like I'm not being myself or not normal.

I have felt this way around a few other close people I know as well. And it feels like this low, sucking feeling as well. Numb. A little heavy.

Somewhere I read said it was because they are making me feel guilty. For doing something, or for being myself, ETC. Opinions, thoughts?

Maybe the tell-tale sign is that I don't feel this way around other people or strangers. Or other situations, mostly... and it really is linked with me speaking up for myself or asking what I want, and sometimes it's debilitating where I feel stuck and can't even mutter the words...

Is It Normal?
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  • Where did you read that? Nobody can make you feel guilty: your feelings are your responsibility. It would be a good idea for you to get some professional help to deal with low self esteem.

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    • I read it online. Yes they can. And ironically, your opening statement alone is inducing feelings of guilt; it comes off as chiding in a way; how silly of me to think of such a stupid thing.

      I do believe people can do this to each other. Manipulation. Some people are just toxic like that. But what I don't know is if it's the people I'm feeling guilty around, or if I've just got some guilt-ridden aspect of my personality now, which again, was probably induced from something in my past but is still affecting me in the present.

      There's an extent which your belief is true. But there's an extent where it can be used as a justification for bad behavior. Meaning: I do something wrong or inappropriate, and you have a problem with it, well, that's your problem. That's abuse.

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  • Sounds like social anxiety or depression or something like that.

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    • A little bit. But it's hard to tell because I know at least one of my managers has been giving me attitude/harassing me. And that alone can induce bad feelings.

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  • You need to learn how to say, "no", and set boundaries with people. If you feel this way when you are around someone you need to try to not be around that person. Maybe you come from a dysfunctional family where people are horribly enmeshed with one another?

    I think you should persue therapy with a licensed professional, and check out the the twelve step programs of ACOA, and CoDA.

    https://adultchildren.org/

    https://coda.org/

    Do you think you are being manipulated, and or do you think that someone, and or some people are trying to manipulate you?

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    • yeah this is helpful stuff, I don't doubt I have been, and I do believe it is possible. Emotional manipulators, what they call them. But I also don't want to read too much into this stuff and get obsessed with it.

      I relate to the enmeshment part. Losing myself. Feeling controlled or smothered, etc.

      Therapy is on the to-do list. I've been in therapy before. It's hard finding the right fit with a therapist.

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      • CoDa really is a good program though, and it's helped me in my life.

        You could also read books on Codependency, and on learning how to set boundaries with people.

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        • Yeah, like telling off my coworker at work who gives me attitude? I risk not being the nice guy, maybe I’m afraid of losing my job/getting in trouble. But I need to learn how to deal with people who don’t treat me the way I’d like (or maybe even can’t)

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  • it's your fault, you did this, I know because I'm always watching. You should be ashamed

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