I don't understand my feelings towards an ex-fling.

Classic case of a push-pull relationship. I think you would be doing yourself more harm if you went back to him. Something isn't making this relationship work, don't fight his defenses.

I usually think of relationships like this as being over before it even began. You both tried. You let him go the first time, because you were suspicious. If you find yourself feeling suspicious about a person, thats not a good way to start off. So you guys tried again. He chose a different girl over you more then once. At least you can say you gave it a shot.

I can understand why you would be angry with him. Things obviously weren't clear enough. His intentions obviously weren't clear enough. Isn't that what led you to feel suspicious? You wanted more. You shouldn't have to feel this way. You shouldn't feel like you're giving so much and not getting the same amount in return. You guys aren't balancing each other out. To go on hoping something will happen, when he's really just taking you on a merry-go-round ride is gonna end very badly. Someone will get very hurt. And it looks like you already have.

Why did he choose those other girls? You've been there all along. Couldn't he see that? You're playing with fire, and you're gonna get burned.

Don't let yourself go any deeper. You deserve better then that. And you'll find someone better who will appreciate you, and they won't take you for granted like he did. It's hard to walk away, but it's worse to stick around. And once you've finally walked away completely, you'll slowly heal. It might hurt all at the same time, but you'll get over it. I think you're still thinking about him now, because you still have this lasting hope that you guys could become something. You're thinking about how it would've/could've been if you did certain things differently, or if you went back. But waiting for this guy, is taking up so much time that could be spent with someone who actually deserves that time with you. It's good to remember the past, but don't let your heart relive that pain over and over again everyday. Sometimes things aren't supposed to go any further then where they already are. Good luck.

@ldizzy1234 thank you so much for your advice.
it truly means a lot that you took your time to give me your thoughts about what i went through with him.

your advice has been taken into consideration. once again, thank you greatly.

Ldizzy is 100% correct.

Dont be mad when you called it off first based off assumptions. The person you called it off with will most likely never take you seriously and consider you wishy-washy.