I don't think i've ever loved anybody

80% Normal
8 Comments

I've never loved anybody apart from family and friends. I'm 20 and I've been in a few very short relationships and one really long, serious one. We lost our virginity to one another, talked about the future and someday getting married and having kids and told each other we loved each other. I was convinced that I did love him. But everything was a power struggle, I always felt like I needed the upper hand so I didn't get hurt...ever. I never wanted to appear vulnerable to him, but then I began to suffer from depression and anxiety and I really began to depend on him more. At the same time though, he was really beginning to annoy me and I knew our relationship was unraveling. I didn't want to end it though, because I needed him to get through the semester. Well, anyway things got so bad that we decided on a mutual break up. Looking back though, I always knew I was better than him, and wanted to do more with my life than sit around and get stoned all day. I did his coursework all the time, so he wouldn't fail. I did way too much for him and if I could go back, I wouldn't do as much. To me, this is not love and if it is, it's more of a love one has for their child.
To me, relationships are pointless. Now I don't give a **** about anyone. I never really loved him, because I always had my doubts about him. I don't know why I am the way I am, but I don't think I'll ever be able to give away my power in a relationship. I never want to appear weak and I manipulate guys in order to protect myself. I never find myself getting attached to anyone. At the same time I hate that about myself and wish I could change, but I know I never will...is this normal?
You know the show Skins? I feel like I can really relate to the way Effy feels about relationships if that helps people understand my situation better.

Voting Results
80% Normal
Based on 61 votes (49 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • anonymous2724
    6 years ago

    this was like reading my diary (if i kept one)

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  • unclebill
    8 years ago

    just keep trying

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  • unclebill
    8 years ago

    i dont love anybody, not because i dont want to, i have tried, but it never hapened, a bit of a pity as i have 4 kids, but i dont love them either, i think i might be broken, but i cant ask anybody
    i want to love them, but...

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  • Dan-The-Man1992
    11 years ago

    love is for the weak and the stupid, find someone who'll tolerate you and hold on to that person ;)

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  • IslandFor2
    14 years ago

    I think it may be normal. In face it's kind of a good thing. Being in love is a wonderful thing, but all good things come to an end. And nothing hurts more than the end of a first love.

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  • memyselfandyou
    14 years ago

    Maybe you still didn't find your true love, it will come. Don't worry ^^ You are normal!

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  • dollcandy
    14 years ago

    I think you need to find someone whose on your level. It sounds like you dates little boy type guys. Once you find someone who won't drain you and who you'll want to be around you'l find yourself "in love". You probably did love them just weren't in love with them.

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  • mtnw
    14 years ago

    i think you are normal.

    i think someday you will find the right person. your one serious relationship was with a jerk, so no wonder you feel the way you do.

    although you feel like you will never change, you probably will. you know why, because you are only 20 and you have years ahead of you in which you will live and learn.

    there aren't any power struggles in good relationships in my opinion. i think you are ok in thinking that way. it's a trait to be on the watch for in perspective mates.

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