I never said any of this to him, it's only my observation!! I never once told him how to act or criticised how he acts (to him) or anything. I never once complained about this to him. I never told him he embarrassed me. I've sat back and let him act however he wanted to act, and it's not working out for him. He's not trying to take cues and find his place, he's trying to force himself in, and how he's doing this is embarrassing me and turning my friends off. It's been 2 yrs and he's still trying to be whatever he's trying to be, and also how he acts around my friends is NOT how he is normally for the most part. It's how he can be a lot of the time socially, but he's not getting it that this game he's trying to play isn't going over with my friends. It works with some people, but not these people. It doesn't work with a group that's really tight, his social ways are better with one person or maybe a couple people, he's no good at the group thing. It's not that they're being mean, it's just that he's butting heads too much and being weird.
Maybe you should tell him how to act around your friends. He isn't going to know unless you tell him.
Better idea: ask your friends if they honestly have a problem with the way he acts around them. If they think he fits right in, then it's clear that you are the one with the problem.
If they also get vibes that he's acting weirdly and that he doesn't fit in, only then should you tell him that he's acting oddly. Have a in discussion in which you are honest that you want him to behave in a certain way around your friends. In this discussion, come to a compromise in which you, your husband and your friends are all happy. Don't leave anyone sad or being forced to act unnaturally.
I've asked my friends, and they have a problem with his ego basically. They have been interested in him but he turns them off by talking too much about himself. They want to know HIM, not hear all his stupid story-toppers. Maybe he's a total narcissist? He's always bragged incessantly upon meeting people, and that sort of thing...
When me and my friends were together it was mostly about joking around and making fun of each other...he being himself, he isn't so comfortable with that. He's more apt to brag about himself than make fun of himself which is a downfall but how do you tell a person like him to make fun of himself?? It doesn't happen.
I don't like my husband around my friends.
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You guys are missing one big detail:
I never said any of this to him, it's only my observation!! I never once told him how to act or criticised how he acts (to him) or anything. I never once complained about this to him. I never told him he embarrassed me. I've sat back and let him act however he wanted to act, and it's not working out for him. He's not trying to take cues and find his place, he's trying to force himself in, and how he's doing this is embarrassing me and turning my friends off. It's been 2 yrs and he's still trying to be whatever he's trying to be, and also how he acts around my friends is NOT how he is normally for the most part. It's how he can be a lot of the time socially, but he's not getting it that this game he's trying to play isn't going over with my friends. It works with some people, but not these people. It doesn't work with a group that's really tight, his social ways are better with one person or maybe a couple people, he's no good at the group thing. It's not that they're being mean, it's just that he's butting heads too much and being weird.
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dom180
11 years ago
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Maybe you should tell him how to act around your friends. He isn't going to know unless you tell him.
Better idea: ask your friends if they honestly have a problem with the way he acts around them. If they think he fits right in, then it's clear that you are the one with the problem.
If they also get vibes that he's acting weirdly and that he doesn't fit in, only then should you tell him that he's acting oddly. Have a in discussion in which you are honest that you want him to behave in a certain way around your friends. In this discussion, come to a compromise in which you, your husband and your friends are all happy. Don't leave anyone sad or being forced to act unnaturally.
That's all my advice :)
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Anonymous Post Author
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I've asked my friends, and they have a problem with his ego basically. They have been interested in him but he turns them off by talking too much about himself. They want to know HIM, not hear all his stupid story-toppers. Maybe he's a total narcissist? He's always bragged incessantly upon meeting people, and that sort of thing...
When me and my friends were together it was mostly about joking around and making fun of each other...he being himself, he isn't so comfortable with that. He's more apt to brag about himself than make fun of himself which is a downfall but how do you tell a person like him to make fun of himself?? It doesn't happen.