I don't know if something is off, opinions?

I get a strong urge to kill, not family (I was taught that family sticks together no matter what). To torture people for days in many different ways and watch them suffer physically as I have suffered mentally. Then after days of that, then maybe giving them mercy to allow death to come. I dont understand why I get these feelings so strong and they are in a manner of speaking, pleasurable (not sexual pleasure). It's pretty much a daily thought on random people of seeing on how easy it would be to make a person disappear and never return. How bad I'd love to act on this is scary and the funny thing is, it's not the fear of the law or the repercussions of the actions that stop me. I have my reasons why I do not act on it. The darkness that lives inside of me kinda scares and soothes me. I've only had a couple "black outs" (if you will) that when I came back, the results....well let's just put it this way, I really enjoyed the power I felt over the person that i was about to cause harm to. Luckily, I came back in time because there is no telling how far that side of me was willing to go. The thing that scares me the most is when that side took over, I loved it. On the outside, that's not me. Constant war inside my head. I was always told that I could never kill anyone, but I actually feel as if I could and go then go on my daily like as if it was just washing the dishes. Lol. Anyway, opinions? Am I normal? Mentally handicapped? A couple bolts loose? I know to act on it would be the end of me because I would lose the one thing I've been fighting for for the past 4 years and I'm not going to lose her for something so petty.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 31 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Horseshit. Get a job, this is the sign of a very idle mind.

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  • Go to hell

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  • It ain’t easy being a psychopath ;)

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  • You never have to teach a kid to do bad, they can do it all themselves. I think that what you’re dealing with is an immature mindset.
    You’d do it for fun, just like what other kids do. You’d do it cause you could, like what other kids do. You don’t know why you'd want to do it, you just would.
    The harsh fact here is I don’t believe you’ve grown up. Murder and torture feel good to an immature mind. It doesn’t take much stimulation for that immature mind to have fun.
    You’re claiming to be smart, and possibly different in a superior way because you can do bad. News flash, anyone can. Literally anyone can make another person suffer. It’s extremely easy to do. That’s not special all, it’s not different either.

    Tldr, You’re extremely immature, I suggest finding ways to advance your mind and not just stimulate it in its primal state.

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  • Your use of LOL is irritating.
    Nothing personal.
    I've had simular ideas.
    But, only about people who had wronged me, in very bad ways.
    Never about strangers, etc.
    If you are as intelligent as you claim.
    You should find a better use for your thought energy.
    Then to waste it on hurting others.

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  • You should seek out psychiatric help as soon as possible!

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  • you're fucked in the head but so what nearly everyone else is too

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  • You have been abused and have PTSD. Seek therapy. <3

    There is nothing wrong with you.

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    • Thank you. Kind words. I thank everyone that is NOT bashing me. According to almost everyone here, I'm fucked up in the head and I guess I'm stupid. I'm glad that I didn't put up what's going on in my head, which I did this because a friend said getting things off your chest is the first step plus it helps not bottling it up, and hoping for opinions of hope or a light at the end of this tunnel or something.

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  • what’s the origin of these thoughts?

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  • It's normal to think anything as a fleeting thought. The fact that you fixate on it daily means you are fucked up in the noggin.

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  • Also, I know my brain is different than others because I can do mind puzzles so easily. The ones you have to take apart and then put back together takes me maybe on average about 30 seconds to 1 min (level 4 and 5 puzzles). I try not to look at how to do bad things because I know my mind will actually figure out the fastest and easiest way to do it and then I get an urge to do it. As a teenager, I loved stealing from stores, waiting a couple days, and then secretly returning the item back to the shelf because it was a game to me. I figured out the system, broke it down how to get the item, the best way to stash the item, and then the best way to get the item out without anyone knowing or damaging the item.

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    • lol you’re funny, but I’m all seriousness we are too similar. Before I do anything I search and see if it has been done, if it has been done successfully, I would note what they did to get away with it, if they failed I’d note what they did that was their downfall. I’ve stolen some stuff because I like the thrill. There are forums literally dedicated to this stuff haha.

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      • I actually looked it up and it says it's a type of OCD called Pure OCD

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        • I guess to an extent it does tie in with ocd. Intrusive thoughts.

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          • Maybe I AM as "smart as I claim" because I know that everything is through the brain. It is our "CPU". I used to smoke 2-3 packs of cigarettes a day and I have killed the craving through my mind and quit over a year ago. This is to TerriAngel. I don't know why I'm trying to prove myself so that's all I'm going to say.

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