I don't advocate sleeping with cats

Cats are nocturnal animals with claws and teeth and are carnivorous. A lot of people forget, because they are so cute as kittens, that cats are genetically designed, therefore, to eat you at night.
“You are pathetic,” you say in protest, “I have known many people who have slept with cats and survived uneaten!”
If you think this way, I urge you to examine those people for signs, at least, of licking. I will wager that you will find traces of cat saliva on their skins, left behind from when the cat checked for the taste, found that the Vaseline on the skin was too thick and yucky, and spared the life of the woman or man.

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Comments ( 27 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • I thought this post was gonna be about fucking cats

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  • A couple I knew years ago had a very large and very fat neutered tom that they allowed to sleep on their bed.

    In the early hours of one morning, his wife woke up from a deep sleep after he jabbed her in the ribs, and she surfaced to find him in a panic, saying that he thought he was having a heart attack because he couldn't breathe and there was a crushing weight on his chest.

    Of course it was just the damned cat.

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    • My family used to have a big fat cat and the same thing happened to my sister. The poor boy just wanted to cuddle.

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  • I have a cat sitting on me at this very moment! If I die, and this cat eats part of me I won't mind. I'm more worried about dying in my sleep, and my cat not having enough water to drink.

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    • There was actually a thing with this. A guy died with both a cat and a dog in his occupancy. The dog died of starvation; the cat eat him and lived lol.

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    • Always leave the toilet seat up. That'd keep the cat going for at least a couple of weeks.

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      • Yes, I always do this before we go on holiday, even though we have people going in to check on her. It's her back up water supply

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  • Dogs are carnivorous too, what about them? The only time I hear about cats eating their owners are when the owners are... DEAD!

    I deem this a troll post for the several people who love their cats

    👎

    Off with your head! And be fed to our cats!

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  • My kittens sleep with me. One sleeps on top of my chest back or side. Don’t give a fuck.

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  • I'm willing to let my cat eat me

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    • True love 💜

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  • I only thought about my cat sleeping by my feet, or rubbing our foreheads together, my ear against her belly as she purred

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  • i want cats smh

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  • I thought she was just being nice licking my ear and sleeping by my head at night... Little did I know I was just her next meal. I feel so betrayed.

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  • My cat licks my eyebrows when I'm asleep so I leave her tuna so I don't wake up blind.

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  • My cat thinks spiders are scary.

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  • I honestly thought you meant that you don't advocate fucking cats. I froze for a second and was like, 'huh?'

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  • That was a charming piece of writing, OP.

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