I don’t understand who I am or what’s real

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  • That sounds very unpleasant. I haven't experienced switching of personalities or confusion over what is real. I did however develop a rich fantasy world as a teen, populated with people I admired, that I used to dissociate to. I always knew it was only fantasy though, even if in my real-life interactions with the people I fantasised being with, I had the false impression that we ought to be closer than we were because of what had happened in the fantasy, and I kept thinking 'why have they gone cold on me?'

    Likewise I connected deeply with characters in films and people used to laugh about how strongly I reacted to them, but I never confused my reality with theirs (even if a disturbing film might leave me disturbed for days).

    I am sorry to hear that you have this distressing issue. I don't think that your issue is the same as mine, even though mine might reflect yours somehow.

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    • Yeah, I always knew deep down that none of it was real but I never would admit it to myself cause I was so scared of reality. But later (in high school) it got harder to understand that it wasn’t real and I started acting strangely because of these feelings which terrified me. Now if I’m presented with a concept that’s hard to put into fiction or reality then I start to freak out. Thank you for sharing this though! I also react very strongly to characters. I have to pace myself every time I watch something new cause I know it could put me in a bad state for weeks (I saw the recent movie “Joker” and loved it and felt totally okay the whole time but the next day I was nauseous all day and kept thinking I was hallucinating stuff. Messed up my brain for a couple weeks)

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