i did it and she won't forgive me or forget it, IIN?

Sounds like built up resentment. Knowing that your husband, who you put all of your trust in, created a life with, believed in, looked up to, etc..broke all those sacred things so important in a relationship is a really hard thing to deal with. *especially* because you are married. You may be forgetting that she's the one who has to deal with consenquences. You didn't lose anything. She lost her trust and other important things in you. It depends on the kind of person she is to determine how long she would get over the affair, but calling her a bitch, accusing her of "punishing you" etc is not going to help. You don't have the right to even judge how she is feeling, no matter how many years later. Maybe there are warning signs she noticed before when you were cheating? And maybe she is just still suffering from it. I mean, she probably has to secretly just hope and pray that you wont go a-straying again and that can cause some tension. You guys should talk. Hear her side, tell her how you're feeling..maybe go to a counselor? 35 years is a long time to be married, and it seems like she wants to make it work so bad. Because I know I probably would have been gone in a second, once I found out about the affair.