i did it and she won't forgive me or forget it, IIN?

Did she let go of it a long time ago? She may have just been letting her feelings toward you get worse and worse, if it wasn't sorted out properly in the first place. The most important thing for you to remember is that the whole thing is your fault, because you had the affair. Maybe if you see it from that point of view, it will become clearer why she is behaving like that.