I'm sorry that I'm responding to this post that's clearly been here for awhile but... I just want you to know that your story sounds exactly like mine, and I'm so amazed to read about someone who experiences what I do.
Ever since I was a baby, I've had a fear of other people's hearts. My mother had to grow used to the fact that I pulled away when she hugged me, even when I was an infant. When I was in elementary school, I was so afraid of the way I looked after running around in gym (turning red, breathing hard, etc.) that I became paranoid that others could hear my heart beating and I would hold my breath, sometimes to the point of fainting. I grew to fear words relating to the cardiovascular system. Even now, at 20 years old, I struggle to say something as simple as "heartbeat" without turning red or dancing around the word with other words for awhile. I've been diagnosed with OCD for quite some time, so that may have something to do with it.
I grew better about my phobia as I grew older and learned how to manage OCD and other emotional disorders, but the problem is always there. One time, at a haunted house on Halloween, a friend grabbed my arm in fear and proclaimed "hey, I can feel your heart beating!" I ripped my arm away and blurted out something that didn't even make sense. I avoided her for several minutes, unable to even tell her what was wrong (she was very sympathetic, thankfully). When I had to do mandatory CPR training in school, I paid off a girl to fake the pulse-taking section with me. I'm a very smart girl, straight A's, and I have so many great friends who love me, but this one thing always haunts me.
For myself personally, I have theories on what could cause these problems. I'm sure it's different for everyone but... I agree that I don't think it's a fear of dying. I don't fear death. I accept it completely as something natural. Because of my OCD, I've developed eating disorders, and even the PVCs (premature ventricular contractions) that I started experiencing due to starvation didn't particularly faze me. I've wondered if the fear of hearts is a fear of being close to others. I freeze up when people touch me and I've been unable to have any boyfriends because of my phobia. I think it might be a deep-seeded fear of being close with other people. This is just a theory, of course.
Well, anyways, I just wanted you to know that someone out there has the same problem as you! You're not alone! And I've been doing just fine despite it (I've been studying abroad in Tokyo for a year!). Thanks for posting your story! It helps to know that there are others out there with the same problems!
I despise my heartbeat, so I was curious...
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I'm sorry that I'm responding to this post that's clearly been here for awhile but... I just want you to know that your story sounds exactly like mine, and I'm so amazed to read about someone who experiences what I do.
Ever since I was a baby, I've had a fear of other people's hearts. My mother had to grow used to the fact that I pulled away when she hugged me, even when I was an infant. When I was in elementary school, I was so afraid of the way I looked after running around in gym (turning red, breathing hard, etc.) that I became paranoid that others could hear my heart beating and I would hold my breath, sometimes to the point of fainting. I grew to fear words relating to the cardiovascular system. Even now, at 20 years old, I struggle to say something as simple as "heartbeat" without turning red or dancing around the word with other words for awhile. I've been diagnosed with OCD for quite some time, so that may have something to do with it.
I grew better about my phobia as I grew older and learned how to manage OCD and other emotional disorders, but the problem is always there. One time, at a haunted house on Halloween, a friend grabbed my arm in fear and proclaimed "hey, I can feel your heart beating!" I ripped my arm away and blurted out something that didn't even make sense. I avoided her for several minutes, unable to even tell her what was wrong (she was very sympathetic, thankfully). When I had to do mandatory CPR training in school, I paid off a girl to fake the pulse-taking section with me. I'm a very smart girl, straight A's, and I have so many great friends who love me, but this one thing always haunts me.
For myself personally, I have theories on what could cause these problems. I'm sure it's different for everyone but... I agree that I don't think it's a fear of dying. I don't fear death. I accept it completely as something natural. Because of my OCD, I've developed eating disorders, and even the PVCs (premature ventricular contractions) that I started experiencing due to starvation didn't particularly faze me. I've wondered if the fear of hearts is a fear of being close to others. I freeze up when people touch me and I've been unable to have any boyfriends because of my phobia. I think it might be a deep-seeded fear of being close with other people. This is just a theory, of course.
Well, anyways, I just wanted you to know that someone out there has the same problem as you! You're not alone! And I've been doing just fine despite it (I've been studying abroad in Tokyo for a year!). Thanks for posting your story! It helps to know that there are others out there with the same problems!