I'd rather die a violent death

I think most "peaceful" deaths really means weeks, months or even years of suffering from illness beforehand, and there may actually be less total suffering in a brutal one. It makes sense. I also get the rush of actually fighting for something even though I have never done that. But either way don't try to actively pursue your death and if you go into the military be aware you could might as well end up permanently handicapped as dead, or being taken as a captive. Its really something you should take very seriously, our fantasies aren't always ideal in reality