i cut up his sterns and foster

Wow!
It's like you didn't learn some basic stuff about how to act around and treat other people.
You throw tantrums like a spoiled little girl who doesn't get her way.
Instead of solving your problems in a constructive way (like an adult would), you lash out with violence and destruction.
You seem very focused on how you feel and what you want, and have very little empathy for how you make others feel.

I'm going to guess:
You are probably someone who views most things in life with a black-or-white (good/bad) mentality?
You have difficulties maintaining close relationships with people for long lengths of time?
You probably feel like you are victimized a lot - more than other people?
Feeling like a victim makes you feel powerless and that makes you angry.
You are very sensitive to the way that others treat you?
Your self-image can change from very positive to very negative in a short amount of time?
When you aren't feeling angry, you most likely feel anxious?
Any sort of criticism from others make you either extremely angry or very hurt - it's difficult to brush things off.
You have a fear of abandonment?
You can be very impulsive?
You have chronic feelings of emptiness?

You are not normal.
It's a good thing you are in therapy.