I agree with much of what strangethingshappen said in her comment, although I think she has an unrealistically cynical view of men. Her experiences may have led her to believe that 99% of men are assholes motivated only by their sexual urges, but I'm a man, that's never applied to me, and I don't believe I'm that unusual.
Surveys have indicated that more than half of women have some degree of sexual attraction to other women, so your feelings are not unique or even unusual.
Sexual orientation is not an either-or thing. It's a spectrum, with with exclusive attraction to men on one side, exclusive attraction to women at the other, and lots of points between those two extremes. A second dimension is the strength of those attractions. Many people remain at a fixed point on the spectrum and the strength factor remains stable throughout their lives; for others, everything is more fluid and uncertain.
Some people can happily pin a particular label on themselves at a very young age; others discover later in life things about themselves that were repressed due to their upbringing or the society they lived in.
Throughout history, the female form has been a constant subject for artists, and many of those artists were men who were sexually attracted to other men. Just because you like drawing female bodies, that does not mean you need to slap a "Lesbian" label on your forehead.
Your disliking of penises and female pubic hair suggests to me that you basically just aren't all that comfortable with sexuality in general. Maybe you grew up in a family where everything sexual was a huge taboo. Maybe the way your brain has been wired by genetics and your upbringing means that you just aren't interested in sex. That would be fine, if you're happy about that. There's no law that says everyone has to be interested in some flavor of sex.
I wonder how comfortable you are with your own body. Are you able to look at yourself in a mirror when you're naked and feel truly comfortable with what you see? If not, then maybe you should consider working on that. If you can't fully accept that you are a sexual being, then I think it's going to be difficult for you to really understand the sort of person you find sexually attractive.
My family was never particularly conservative, so I have no idea why I feel like this. If I walked up to my mom and said I was a lesbian, pan, bi, or even trans she would just say "good for you" or something like that.
Being topless is fine, but I am not comfortable not wearing underwear.
The thing is, a part of me IS interested in sex and I want to explore more of this; I know for certain I am not asexual or whatever.
There is also other stuff other than drawing women I've been doing but it feels weird talking about it on the internet. Should I go into more detail about that too?
It's good you come from a family that's accepting about sexual orientation, so at least you don't have to overcome their hostility, wherever you may fall on the spectrum.
I doubt if you're going to get any profound insights or fantastic advice on this site, but if you can't go into details about "weird stuff" here, where can you? Sometimes, just writing stuff out helps clarify thinking.
You don't say you're a virgin, but you seem to imply that. If that is the case, how much of your uncertainty is simply due to feeling apprehensive about making that leap? A lot of people have their first sexual experience when they're in their teens, and a lot of times it happens mainly due to peer-pressure. I think that can be a negative thing, but once you've had sex, it's easier to be certain about what you like and dislike, what you want more of and what you never want to experience again.
When going through your history, you say, "ever since high school". I'm not clear if that means ever since you finished high school, or ever since you started high school.
If you're older than 18, then I can see how your uncertainty might be creating a nasty circle effect where the more you fret about sex, the more difficult it becomes to take the leap.
If you're still in high school, then what you say suggests you're just a thoughtful teen who wants to be sure of what she wants before becoming intimate with someone.
I guess I could talk about it here but I just feel weird putting it out there (then again, I am anonymous.)
Also yes, I am a virgin. I've never dated or kissed anyone either, and probably won't for a long time. I'm not exactly what people look for in a relationship, physically or personality-wise. Not only that, but I don't think I could ever be that close to anyone (I'm not all that trusting.)
Also sorry for not clarifying, I meant ever since I started high school. In September I will be a senior, actually!
I can't tell if I'm admiring other women or I'm attracted to them..
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I agree with much of what strangethingshappen said in her comment, although I think she has an unrealistically cynical view of men. Her experiences may have led her to believe that 99% of men are assholes motivated only by their sexual urges, but I'm a man, that's never applied to me, and I don't believe I'm that unusual.
Surveys have indicated that more than half of women have some degree of sexual attraction to other women, so your feelings are not unique or even unusual.
Sexual orientation is not an either-or thing. It's a spectrum, with with exclusive attraction to men on one side, exclusive attraction to women at the other, and lots of points between those two extremes. A second dimension is the strength of those attractions. Many people remain at a fixed point on the spectrum and the strength factor remains stable throughout their lives; for others, everything is more fluid and uncertain.
Some people can happily pin a particular label on themselves at a very young age; others discover later in life things about themselves that were repressed due to their upbringing or the society they lived in.
Throughout history, the female form has been a constant subject for artists, and many of those artists were men who were sexually attracted to other men. Just because you like drawing female bodies, that does not mean you need to slap a "Lesbian" label on your forehead.
Your disliking of penises and female pubic hair suggests to me that you basically just aren't all that comfortable with sexuality in general. Maybe you grew up in a family where everything sexual was a huge taboo. Maybe the way your brain has been wired by genetics and your upbringing means that you just aren't interested in sex. That would be fine, if you're happy about that. There's no law that says everyone has to be interested in some flavor of sex.
I wonder how comfortable you are with your own body. Are you able to look at yourself in a mirror when you're naked and feel truly comfortable with what you see? If not, then maybe you should consider working on that. If you can't fully accept that you are a sexual being, then I think it's going to be difficult for you to really understand the sort of person you find sexually attractive.
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strangethingshappen
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My family was never particularly conservative, so I have no idea why I feel like this. If I walked up to my mom and said I was a lesbian, pan, bi, or even trans she would just say "good for you" or something like that.
Being topless is fine, but I am not comfortable not wearing underwear.
The thing is, a part of me IS interested in sex and I want to explore more of this; I know for certain I am not asexual or whatever.
There is also other stuff other than drawing women I've been doing but it feels weird talking about it on the internet. Should I go into more detail about that too?
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Boojum
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It's good you come from a family that's accepting about sexual orientation, so at least you don't have to overcome their hostility, wherever you may fall on the spectrum.
I doubt if you're going to get any profound insights or fantastic advice on this site, but if you can't go into details about "weird stuff" here, where can you? Sometimes, just writing stuff out helps clarify thinking.
You don't say you're a virgin, but you seem to imply that. If that is the case, how much of your uncertainty is simply due to feeling apprehensive about making that leap? A lot of people have their first sexual experience when they're in their teens, and a lot of times it happens mainly due to peer-pressure. I think that can be a negative thing, but once you've had sex, it's easier to be certain about what you like and dislike, what you want more of and what you never want to experience again.
When going through your history, you say, "ever since high school". I'm not clear if that means ever since you finished high school, or ever since you started high school.
If you're older than 18, then I can see how your uncertainty might be creating a nasty circle effect where the more you fret about sex, the more difficult it becomes to take the leap.
If you're still in high school, then what you say suggests you're just a thoughtful teen who wants to be sure of what she wants before becoming intimate with someone.
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Anonymous Post Author
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I guess I could talk about it here but I just feel weird putting it out there (then again, I am anonymous.)
Also yes, I am a virgin. I've never dated or kissed anyone either, and probably won't for a long time. I'm not exactly what people look for in a relationship, physically or personality-wise. Not only that, but I don't think I could ever be that close to anyone (I'm not all that trusting.)
Also sorry for not clarifying, I meant ever since I started high school. In September I will be a senior, actually!
Not being cynical at all, just saying how reality is and you must be part of the 1% which is a miracle :)