I can't stop obsessing over him

Here I am again. Two years ago today, January 23, 2019, I found out why my best friend had disappeared from university and my life. He started dating someone 3 years 5 months and 28 days younger! She is only 4 and a half months older than his little brother. I have been stalking her account and any other related accounts for 2 years now!

Yesterday, I tried to hack into my ex best friend's email account, possible Facebook account, and his parents emails. I was unsuccessful. I tried to click the reset password link so I could answer security questions that I believed I might know the answers of. The question was "what is my first phone number?" I put in his old phone umber that he had when we were friends not his new number which I do know. It didn't let me in but it is the farthest I have gone in these past two years.

Today I managed to get 1 step further. I googled his email address and I found a site with 1000+ Hulu accounts with passwords. His was listed. I tried it and it worked. However, the account is not active so it was almost useless. I saw it was linked to amazon so I guessed the password there as well, but it didn't work. What spurred this on was searching him on Facebook and not finding him as usual, but there was a message at the bottom that said" Didn't find what you're looking for? We're temporarily hiding some results for this search query." this wasn't here before when I searched, so maybe he created a private account. Both his mom's and his email addresses were registered with Facebook when I tried to log in with them.

I wasn't doing all this before I saw that message. I was doing my daily routine of checking publicly visible accounts. I told myself yesterday that I would not continue doing this today but it still happened. I see a therapist about 2 or 3 times a month and we discuss this in nearly every session. I told him last time that this obsession will not end until either I get a partner, or my ex best friend dies. I will not kill anyone so I am referring to natural death.

I need to be rid of this obsession! I feel exactly like Helga Pataki did on Hey Arnold! "Helga's Love Potion". I wish I could just forget about him and make this stop! Even though Helga decides at the end to continue the obsession because she needs passion in her life, I would not do it with this. I agree that obsessions can be used for good (such as in the case of Adrian Monk), but I can't use this one. I love my job that I have had for 8 years and I value everyone there as a member of my family. I still just can't get over this guy. I even subscribed again and paid money to Spokeo today. I don't know what I can do. I know that I'm sick. I don't want to be a bad person or, especially, go to hell. I need as much help as I can get. May God have mercy on me.

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Comments ( 9 )
  • Just sit still and quiet long enough. You know in your heart it's over. Longing for him is only keeping you disappointed. Just sit still and quiet long enough, you'll acknowledge it and once you do you'll understand letting it go is the only healthy thing to do

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  • S0UNDS_WEIRD

    Presumably you're in love with him right? How did getting a gf lead to you not being in touch?

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  • Imafriendyrock

    This is so creepy. You even mentioned how many days younger his girlfriend is..

    If you continue the stalking you will never find a good match. No one likes that. It reminds me of Jodi Arias.

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  • Somenormie

    You should let him go.

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  • bbrown95

    I think you need to block any associated accounts off of social media (if you can exercise extreme self control and not go in and unblock them on a whim), and possibly take a break from the Internet altogether (though this may be hard in today's society that is so reliant on it). I'd say a social media break at the very least wouldn't hurt at all, but you'll need to refrain from searching these people on Google and such as well.

    Also, I would highly recommend you refrain from trying to hack into people's accounts. It's an invasion of their privacy and is bound to get you into trouble.

    I would definitely discuss this further with your therapist, and how you feel inclined to cyber-stalk your friend and his ex.

    Also, try to find ways to keep yourself busy, to where you simply don't have time to be thinking about them. I found that when I have wanted to get my mind off of something, the best way to do it is to simply stay busy with other things. Work, hobbies, etc. If you don't have any hobbies, find some. Try new things. Go out and meet some new people.

    This will be extremely hard, but any time your mind wanders to these people, force yourself to think about something else, anything.

    I think if you have other things going on in your life, you are more likely to move past this. I think setting some important goals for yourself and achieving them would be great as well, as that takes up a lot of time and space in your head that would otherwise be used to obsess.

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  • RoseIsabella

    Have you been prescribed any medication? Perhaps some medication might help?

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    • Mini69

      Or a stint in jail. Stalking is illegal

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      • RoseIsabella

        Good point!

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  • radar

    It's not normal.

    I'm curious, do you care about him?

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