I can't stop obsessing over him
Here I am again. Two years ago today, January 23, 2019, I found out why my best friend had disappeared from university and my life. He started dating someone 3 years 5 months and 28 days younger! She is only 4 and a half months older than his little brother. I have been stalking her account and any other related accounts for 2 years now!
Yesterday, I tried to hack into my ex best friend's email account, possible Facebook account, and his parents emails. I was unsuccessful. I tried to click the reset password link so I could answer security questions that I believed I might know the answers of. The question was "what is my first phone number?" I put in his old phone umber that he had when we were friends not his new number which I do know. It didn't let me in but it is the farthest I have gone in these past two years.
Today I managed to get 1 step further. I googled his email address and I found a site with 1000+ Hulu accounts with passwords. His was listed. I tried it and it worked. However, the account is not active so it was almost useless. I saw it was linked to amazon so I guessed the password there as well, but it didn't work. What spurred this on was searching him on Facebook and not finding him as usual, but there was a message at the bottom that said" Didn't find what you're looking for? We're temporarily hiding some results for this search query." this wasn't here before when I searched, so maybe he created a private account. Both his mom's and his email addresses were registered with Facebook when I tried to log in with them.
I wasn't doing all this before I saw that message. I was doing my daily routine of checking publicly visible accounts. I told myself yesterday that I would not continue doing this today but it still happened. I see a therapist about 2 or 3 times a month and we discuss this in nearly every session. I told him last time that this obsession will not end until either I get a partner, or my ex best friend dies. I will not kill anyone so I am referring to natural death.
I need to be rid of this obsession! I feel exactly like Helga Pataki did on Hey Arnold! "Helga's Love Potion". I wish I could just forget about him and make this stop! Even though Helga decides at the end to continue the obsession because she needs passion in her life, I would not do it with this. I agree that obsessions can be used for good (such as in the case of Adrian Monk), but I can't use this one. I love my job that I have had for 8 years and I value everyone there as a member of my family. I still just can't get over this guy. I even subscribed again and paid money to Spokeo today. I don't know what I can do. I know that I'm sick. I don't want to be a bad person or, especially, go to hell. I need as much help as I can get. May God have mercy on me.