I can't see the point of life

27% Normal
7 Comments

I've been this way, and had suicidal thoughts since around age 5-6. That was the age when I first began to contemplate the purpose of living, and I could see none.

There came a midpoint when I was 13-14 where I was taking care of livestock. That was the first, and only time in my life where I ever had any real drive to live.

Their lives depended on me, and so if I were to die, what would have become of them?

That changed when 1- they started to die of sicknesses that I couldn't protect them from, and 2- my parents began to see them as a financial burden, rather than assets for business.

I'm losing the animals, and with them, much of my drive to live.

I had a similar desire to volunteer and help people, but tbh, people kind of suck. I'm left wondering if they're even worth helping.

I had desires, but when one got fulfilled, it never gave me what I thought I needed.

I turned to God, in hopes that turning my life over to him would fulfill my need for self-worth and purpose. It didn't really, but I'm still a Christian.

Even if I had everything I wanted, and was attractive and smart, then what?

There are two questions at the end of every possible answer and meaning for being alive- career ambitions, happiness, relationships, God, beauty, wealth, power, ect.

They are, "Then what?", and "Is that really all there is?"
Even the universe seems small to me.

I have a lot of things I dislike, but the list of things that I genuinely enjoy has progressively been slimming down. Even if I find something fun, it quickly becomes dull.

When I was a child, distracting myself from the emptiness of life was easy. But as I've grown up (I'm high school aged now), it's gradually been getting more and more difficult, and in fact, impossible to ignore.

I read in a manga called "Bokurano" something like, people who whine that they didn't ask to be born should just go ahead and kill themselves. I agree with that philosophy 100%, but the only problem is, I lack the courage to do even that.

I should've killed myself at my lowest point, which was June or July 2017. Right now, I'm not in nearly enough pain to conjure up the strength to go through with suicide.

My life is too comfortable, but I feel like I'm dragging my spoiled, rotten corpse through it. I'm so tired, despite not working very hard.

The only time when I have real motivation to better myself, is when I'm directly threatened, and feel trapped.

I wish that I could give my life and opportunities away to someone who deserves them, and would gladly make the most out of them.

It would please me to do that, and then die. The obliteration provided by a cremation would be nice after that.

Voting Results
27% Normal
Based on 11 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • McBean
    5 years ago

    At its most basic level, life is mindless molecular DNA replication that adapts to changing environments and eventually fills all voids. So, there is no real point to life. But, if you give it a point, it becomes a lot more interesting.

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  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    Nihilism doesn't have to be depressing. If nothing matters, that means you can do whatever you want! Wanna spend your life eating ice cream for breakfast and having meaningless sex every night? Go for it. Or not. It doesn't matter.

    Also don't take life advice from manga.

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  • RoseIsabella
    5 years ago

    I think you should seek psychiatric help ASAP.

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    • Beneath_TheUntold
      5 years ago

      What they said^^
      You definitely need to get help.
      We only say this because us humans should watch out for eachother. It may feel as if you are alone, but you’re not. There’s people out there that will help and who care about the life you have. Do this for you♥️

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      • RoseIsabella
        5 years ago

        Right on.

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  • Ghork
    5 years ago

    Ive felt like you before. But based off what you've said about taking care of animals, its a big responsibility. Im kind of assuming you put your lifes effort/work on jusy those animals and you almost deticated your life to them. Its perfectly fine to like taking care of animals. You may perhaps transform it to be a job. Dont forget you, and who you are, think about your health too.

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  • TheOishome
    5 years ago

    Please don't kill yourself! I've always said to myself if I ever were to want to kill myself; id want to - since I wouldn't be needing any of my money or worldly possessions want to avail of all my resources and go on one last big crazy adventure then I'd realise at the end of my adventure that life really is wonderful and I wouldn't want to kill myself anymore.
    As bad as life can get it can be equally as good.
    Duality dictates our universe everything has an opposite, a pair, a connection with something else in the universe. Think about it Light has dark, black has white, self has other and life has death. Even the fabric of existence itself every electron on every atom is either negatively or positively charged.
    Our universe is fundamentally two sided by nature so as bad as life can get it can get equally good.

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