I betrayed my students. i can't bear it

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12 Comments

I have betrayed my (former) students badly by not grading their presentations before an important deadline... I work at a different school now and have lots of other things on my mind... They were still counting on me to grade their presentations. But every time I've tried the guilt of having left it this long eats me up and I can't bear it. Seeing their faces, hearing their voices again after so long... they must be studying like mad for their exams. Every once in a while I get an email from the teacher I had been replacing to let me know about ANOTHER of my rookie mistakes she's just discovered. I can't bear it. The guilt is destroying me. All those faces and voices I have loved...

My former colleagues are doing a fun activity with them and had invited me to join in...

I said I would, then cancelled. The students will not appreciate my presence.

I feel so alone and full of pain. I have tried for weeks to force myself to grade those presentations but I am just lacerated by guilt and affection every time I hear their voices. I just haven't been able to do it.

I miss my former colleagues horribly. They will probably never invite me to anything again.

I wish I hadn't left it this long... my poor students... it all hurts so much. Calming myself with essential oils didn't work now I'm sitting here with my blade cutting my sides to numb the emotional pain. I betrayed my students. I so badly want to go back but can never show my face there again. I feel paralysed. I haven't left my apartment for 2 days because I've tried to force myself. To mark these
presentations and failed. I've got to grade their work NOW and I can't do it because it hurts too much.

Please, can anyone help?

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9% Normal
Based on 11 votes (1 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • mauzi
    4 years ago

    Your monologue is a bit too stilted here, ruined the immersion. back to the drawing board, troll.

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  • JellyBeanBandit
    4 years ago

    Just correct the tests, you're not going to feel better until you do. Calming oils won't do anything, cutting certainly won't help. All this guilt is all in your head, your students probably don't hate you at all, it's really not that big a deal. Just get the tests done and say you were late because you were dealing with some serious personal problems (which is the truth). Then you really need to see a psychiatrist about your guilt complex and cutting, it's gone too far if you feel like this about something which in reality is no big deal.

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  • jethro
    4 years ago

    Well there is only one thing that you can do at this point. But before you do that, just give everyone an A+

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  • AMERICANsavage
    4 years ago

    So you're emotionally wrecked because you graded papers late? That's not that big a deal if you look at it logically.

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  • Grunewald
    4 years ago

    Why have you deleted your comments, duft?

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  • Grunewald
    4 years ago

    Like many of us on this site, my dear. You can't have seen much of the world if you think the average teacher has a clean bill of mental health.
    I'm on meds and I see a therapist once a week if that answers your question.

    As for McBean... you should read some of my God debates with him. McBean has quite profound multiple personality disorder if I'm one of his Alters.

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    • McBean
      4 years ago

      Hi Ruth. Thank you for thinking of me. I can confirm that I love our God debates and re-read them occasionally. As for the presumed disorder, I have never been diagnosed with this. My personality is not fragmented, but has a much broader range of behaviors than most people have. Anyway, I enjoy your comments and find most of them uplifting. You're one of my favorites.

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    • mauzi
      4 years ago

      Busted.

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  • Grunewald
    4 years ago

    I am the OP. You don't understand what they meant to me. Or what those grades mean to them. They are sitting an exam in a week. They need the detailed feedback I have given them. You didn't see how they sent me off - with presents and cards and thoughtful gestures... they had really trusted me.

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    • Ellenna
      4 years ago

      Then just do it and stop whingeing & whining and wallowing in self pity! Get your focus off yourself and on to your students.

      Just make a start and then continue, it's not rocket science.

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  • splashgame3
    4 years ago

    Just give them all an A+. Problem solved🤣

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  • libertybell
    4 years ago

    Please, do not cut yourself! If this is bothering you, make yourself grade the papers. But,it's probably not as big of a deal as you think. 😳😐

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