I am having trouble with platonic relationships lately. :(

12 Comments

I don't really know what happened. It used to not be like this. This is how it used to work: I would meet someone that I am NOT attracted to, but I would still get really excited to hang out with them.

But lately, that has not really been happening, and it's very upsetting.

I used to be a very platonic person. I am still a very platonically affectionate person, but I am not really EXCITED about it lately. And that makes me sad. I used to enjoy platonic relationships ALOT, and now it's just not so fun anymore. :(

Any advice?

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Comments ( 12 )
  • RoseIsabella
    6 years ago

    I don't know, have you had any bad experiences with so called "platonic" friends lately? I had a very dear platonic, male friend that I had to dump about 17 years ago, because he told me what he wanted to do to me so I couldn't trust him anymore, and I certainly didn't feel comfortable around him anymore. It was very sad, he betrayed me and then acted all sad when I decided he'd crossed the line, and was no longer welcome in my circle of trust. It was bad enough that he gave me an explicit description of what he wanted to do to me, but I was actually married at the time, and my so called friend claimed to be friends with my then husband, but his actions showed otherwise.

    I'm very much open to having platonic male friends, but the experience I described above has certainly left a big black mark on my heart with regard to friendships with heterosexual males. If someone is inappropriate and disrespectful of me that person is also being disrespectfull of my partner, end of story.

    I guess that's the end of my rant. I'm curious as to the details of your story.

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    • gxdezlh
      6 years ago

      Sorry to hear about that guy! Really awkward! :(

      Yes, I recently had a bad experience with a platonic friend. her name is Kelli. I was trying to be affectionate with her, and she got really grossed out for some reason. So then I was talking about how awkward it is, and she literally told me it's not awkward. So basically she invalidated my feelings to my face. And we were at CHURCH, so I feel like that made it a lot worse. It was really embarrassing for me. I sent her a text about me blocking her number and explaining why. Then I blocked her number. We are not friends anymore.

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      • RoseIsabella
        6 years ago

        Sometimes people have to cut ties or at least step back. Just out of curiosity what kind of affection were you try to show her?

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        • gxdezlh
          6 years ago

          Well I was pretty affectionate with her a lot of the time. hugs, kisses on the cheek, verbal affection. nothing too crazy. for me, those kind of things are pretty much default friendship things. but the kisses on the cheek freaked her out for some reason.

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          • RoseIsabella
            6 years ago

            Hmm... well, I guess she was just not interested in that sort of contact from you. I know it hurt your feelings and that you feel bad, but it's not the end of the world. Whether we like it or not people have the right to reject us for whatever reason they so choose. No one is obligated to return anyone else's affections.

            As far the awkward thing is concerned I don't doubt that you felt awkward when your "platonic" female friend rebuffed your advances, she probably didn't feel especially awkward about having to set a boundary with you, which is a good thing despite the fact that it hurt your feelings, because no one should feel obligated to return anyone else's interests or affections. I don't know, because I wasn't there, and you don't have a video of the event to send me, but I don't think it was necessarily invalidating. I think the young lady was simply stating her feelings, just like you had stated yours.

            Try to see the good in this whole mess. If someone else is free to set boundaries with you, and not return your affections then that means that you're free to do the same with someone else when it's someone in whom you're not interested.

            If you want to have good "platonic" friendships with the opposite sex, you must learn to embrace the fact that platonic love and friendship is asexual and non romantic in nature. Respect the truth of the definition if you want to be happy in that sort of relationship.

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            • gxdezlh
              6 years ago

              "No one is obligated to return anyone else's affections."
              I agree! However, I am also not obligated to talk to her if I don't want to.

              I don't appreciate you putting the word "platonic" in quotes. I was definitely not attracted to this person. Kisses on the cheek can be platonic or romantic. This kiss was not romantic because, well, I just didnt feel that spark.

              "I think the young lady was simply stating her feelings, just like you had stated yours."
              That's a good point! I agree. I didn't think about it that way.

              By the way, she is not a young lady. she is like 30, and I am 19. yikes! i feel like the age gap made it worse because she might have thought of me as some weird young girl who is too young for her and has a crush on her.

              "Try to see the good in this whole mess. If someone else is free to set boundaries with you, and not return your affections then that means that you're free to do the same with someone else when it's someone in whom you're not interested."
              Exactly. I am also free to block someone's number if talking to them makes me uncomfortable.

              "platonic love and friendship is asexual and non romantic in nature."
              um...duh. obviously. last time i checked, kissing on the cheek is not a sexual act. maybe i am mistaken (sarcasm).
              by the way we are both females so if she was a homophobe or something and she thought i had a crush on her, that probably freaked her out.

              I find a little humorous when people I had a crush on Kelli because it's so easy for ME to tell when I have a crush on someone. I actually have a crush on someone else from that church and I feel sooooo different around her than I did around Kelli. I get so excited around my crush, butterflies and all that, and with Kelli that didn't happen.

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