I am a collector, with a serious investment... not a hoarder

I like to collect weird sorts of antiques, but despite what anyone says I am a collector and not a hoarder. Like I keep old toilet paper rolls that haven't been used. Not the paper itself but the cardboard tubes. And other antique items that most would consider garbage. Like I keep the wrappers of food from years and years ago even, in case they get any value. I even have a burger king cheeseburger wrapper from 1998 that I have kept. I have piles and piles of antiques laying around the house.
And I keep small amounts of other items that some would consider biowaste. Like there are a few used condoms I keep in the freezer. I mean you never know, it could have real value. If shit seriously hits the fan and there are no men on Earth and only women survived the apocalypse, they could just take it out of the freezer, thaw it out and get the human race started again! I mean I know this is unlikely. But I feel like everything could in theory have a purpose. Whose to say what's "garbage" honestly.

I have been accused of being a "hoarder" because my house is literally filled to the brim with antiques of various sorts that most people consider trash. But they have such sentimental value to me. And when I think about it, there is a reason to keep EVERYTHING. I even keep a little bit of each bodily fluid in my freezer, just in case humans wipe themselves off the earth and aliens who arrive here find it someday. Like I have some vomit in a jar that I keep in the freezer. A turd. And a cup filled with frozen urine. I also have a used tampon from my ex that I keep in the freezer.

The turd could give aliens that land on Earth after the apocalypse a better understanding of our diet and the human digestive system. The same for the urine. Could give an understanding of diet and human metabolism. And the vomit would also give some indications to aliens who arrive after the end of humanity about how our digestive system works. I mean these are all medical and useful samples to a race of aliens that land after there are no humans on the planet.

Even the used tampon in the freezer could come in handy sometime, I mean if humanity was wiped from the Earth. And aliens arrived, they could look at it and through advanced scientific means figure out the cellular composition of the human circulatory system. Which could allow them to determine that humans used to breathe oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide. And other important facts about how the human body works. I mean it would be a functional blood sample for any aliens that arrive after humanity's demise.

However, some things I have are legitimately valuable. And could be worth something in the forseeable future. Like a bicycle tire from when I was 13 that broke because I ran over a nail. And a half eaten sandwich from 1999 that I kept in the fridge. I even have an antique enema from 2001, back when I had a problem with constipation. It's lightly used, but 100 years from now that could be worth a lot of money.

My entire home is filled with these antiques. It is like walking back through the ages. Like time travel from 1990 until today! I have some stuff that is already valuable, like beanie babies from Mc Donald's toys and old Burger King toys. Because I literally keep everything. I look at the long run picture. I would be willing to bet that my entire collection of items is worth well over a million dollars. And will probably continue to gain in value over time.