I always ask myself "what's the point of living?"
There's gonna be a bit of drama here. So if you're allergic to drama, you don't have to keep reading. First of all, Im not suicidal. Im fucking afraid of death just like any other human beings. I've been wondering these questions for as long as I can remember, ever since I was a little girl, actually. For years, I've tried to ignore them, but theyre always at the back of my mind. What's the point of living if you're gonna die anyway? What's the point of making the best out of your life if you're going to cease to exist and all that you've done is going to disappear with you eventually. All your loved ones will forget you and they will eventually cease to exist as well and their loved ones will forget them and so on.
Some people say that I should be grateful that I exist, that I'm alive, that I shouldnt waste time asking nonsensical questions like these. But these are the questions almost all people are afraid to ask because nobody really knows the answer. We are afraid of not knowing an answer, that is why we came up with gods and religions in the first place, to fill in the gap of what we know and what we want to know. We know that we're here but why? We know that we exist but why? We know that we're alive but why? What is our purpose? When presented with these questions, some people would answer "to eat and fuck" no more, no less. Funny answer but this is one of the funny and creative answers people can think of to avoid the real question. No questions about life or death. Maybe that's the right answer...for some people. Maybe some people can live with that answer. Maybe that answer was enough for them to keep moving. But not me.
Religious people believe that theres an afterlife. They found a purpose in life - to serve God until their last breath. But what about the people who don't believe in God? What's their purpose? To continue living for their loved ones? To find happiness in life? What about their own life? Aren't they afraid that they will eventually die? be forgotten and disappear into nothing? Maybe so. People who are suicidal...do they believe that theres an afterlife? Aren't they afraid of disappearing? Is it even worth asking?
Humans have an average lifespan of 80 years. 80 years of temporary happiness, temporary existence. 80 may sound like a huge number but it's actually a lot shorter in reality. How many of those years you spent learning how to walk and talk. How many of those years you spent in school and taking classes you are forced to take? How many of those years you actually were able to do the things you want to do? How many of those years you've locked yourself from the world because youre already too old to go out and have fun?
I sound crazy, don't I? Haha maybe. Maybe I've gotten sick of doing things over and over again, repeatedly in circles until I run out of energy to keep going. Maybe my life isn't as exciting as everyone else's. Not exciting enough to distract myself from these stupid questions nobody really knows the exact answers people have been seeking at the back of their minds, answers that don't even exist in the first place. Yeah, I'm a crazy fucking drama queen who know nothing about life. Well, guess what? You know nothing, either.