I’m sad all the time
Get ready because I have a lot to say. First off my mom was abusive. She used to shove socks down my throat and smother me with a pillow. I would have yelling fits as a kid if I didn’t get what I want so that’s what she would do. I was sent to 10 impatient psychiatric facilities or about 20 if you count stays at a local hospital. Basically what would happen is I would throw a fit, she would call the cops and I would be sent to a hospital where they would do an evaluation and place me in an impatient facility. If you don’t know what that is it’s basically a nuthouse. In these places they use intimidation to make sure you are respectful. I would get strapped down to a table by my wrists and ankles. The staff were physical when it wasn’t necessary. I stopped being sent to facilities at 17 because I learned how to control myself. My mom is mentally ill and no I’m not just saying that because I hate her. She has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. She claims to have changed her ways but I’m not buying it. My whole family hates her but in the back of my head I say ‘’well she has a mental illness we should be helping her!’’ Then again she did ruin my life. Now I’m in an eternal state of depression and hatred and I can’t escape. I know what it’s like to be happy but I don’t how to get there again. I have no friends and I’m pretty socially awkward because I have been around weirdos all my life. I’m living with my grandparents now but I can’t be happy. What is wrong with me? I don’t want to be depressed anymore. Should I forgive my mom or does she deserve to live in solitude and think about the things she’s done?