How to stop intimidating women

I need some advice here on women. I'm a guy who looks physically intimidating and I think it makes women scared to talk with or affiliate with me. Its partly due to my personality and partly due to my physicality. I'm 6'4", 240 lbs, very muscular, lots of facial hair(thin beard). I have a loud and deep voice and my personality is very fast paced and brash and I have a hard time showing emotion from what I gather.

I want advice on how to stop intimidating women because on the inside I'm not scary I'm just another guy tryna get laid who wants to make women happy and feel comfortable around me. What about my behavior/physical presentation should I change? And no I won't stop lifting weights!

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Based on 20 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 137 )
  • SmokeEverything

    Why dont you date female body builders?

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    • Doesnormalmatter

      There are very, very few of them. Some chicks are into fitness but never as much as me and they haven't like that part. Some definition is good but I don't like really muscular women to much, its not very feminine.

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  • EnglishLad

    You're probably the sort of guy who bullies other guys for no reason other than the fact they're smaller than you and you perceive them as "weak" and/or "an easy target" too.

    Dating isn't all about sex. If you want to get with a girl you need to champion all of her achievements and more than anything, like yourself as a human being. Steroids definitely don't help with your intimidating behaviour.

    Maybe if you weren't such a self-confessed aggressive person and treated guys and girls with more respect, more girls would allow you to date them.

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    • Doesnormalmatter

      When did I ever say I don't respect women? I don't bully other kids either, not at all.

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  • libertybell

    Do not take steroids. They WILL make you aggressive and intimidating. Turn women off.

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    • Doesnormalmatter

      Do Sarm's count?

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  • Ellenna

    Advice from a predator, right?

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    • myfreakinopinion

      People like being bullshitted, everyone lies.

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  • raisinbran

    Your testosterone is off the charts. Start eating soy-based products and smoking weed.

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    • Doesnormalmatter

      I avoid soy like its cyanide! Haven't touched weed, alcohol or any other drug unless steroids count.

      I don't actually know my T levels but considering how high my sex drive is and how muscular I am its prolly up there. I take 4 different T boosting supplements right now. Thanks for trying to help tho!

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      • GaelicPotato

        Lol. Steroids.

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        • Doesnormalmatter

          What is so funny about that?

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          • GaelicPotato

            Everything.

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            • Doesnormalmatter

              K thanks for the input.

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      • RoseIsabella

        Too much testosterone isn't necessarily a good thing. I understand that you want to be masculine, but it's possible that what you see as masculine might come off as looking brutish to other people, and women in particular.

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        • Doesnormalmatter

          Yeah I care a ton about being strong and ripped. It's a huge part of who I am and I'm not willing to give that up to get laid more. However, your correct that it is off putting to some women. The question I intended to ask with this post is how to avoid being so intimidating. And I think there are solutions besides lower your testosterone.

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          • GaelicPotato

            It's artificial. You use steroids so it's not actually you.

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            • Doesnormalmatter

              I disagree. If that's what you think then where do you draw the line? If someone takes a protein powder which is artificial and that helps them look better naked, is that off limits? What if someone gets plastic surgery? Or an artificial heart valve? Or what if they need a certain artificial medication to stay alive? Their not really themselves! Their real self is dead!

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          • RoseIsabella

            You know I think that the people who might find your appearance intimidating would possibly still find you intimidating even if you tried to change your demeanor. It's hard for me to say without seeing, but I think Ellenna made some excellent suggestions.

            You say it's important to you to be strong, and ripped, but just out of curiosity I'd like you know why?

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            • Doesnormalmatter

              Yeah I know there is only so much I can do. I'm just tryna limit the intimidation if possible, not get rid of it entirely.

              As far as me wanting to be strong and ripped, it's really just a passion of mine that I took really far. I love being competitive in strength sports and I like looking a certain way naked. I also love pushing myself in the gym to just add another 5 pounds on the bar or whatever. I can't fully explain it tbh but damn its addicting.

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  • Ellenna

    Obviously you can't control your size but you could control the loudness of your voice and believe me, a soft but deep male voice can be very sexy! A self deprecating sense of humour is also very attractive. Also be aware of other people's personal space: being so tall can be intimidating if you stand too close, stand back more and given you're imposing in the physical sense, try and be a bit more self-effacing. Don't go in for intimidating body language either, eg folded arms, leaning forward close to others.

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    • Doesnormalmatter

      Now that's a helpful response! I have good humor according to just about everyone I know it's just awkward tryna be funny around women.

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      • Ellenna

        I'm happy if you found my response helpful. I'm not a large man, just an average sized old woman, so I was basing my suggestions on how I feel about large men encroaching on my space. I forgot to mention, the worst is when I'm sitting down and a large man leans over me to talk to me: very intimidating and bad manners too.

        Do you mean your male friends find you funny? How about not trying to be funny, just let it happen? To me humour is more about being witty than deliberately funny anyway.

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        • Doesnormalmatter

          Thats the whole idea! I want to know what small women think about big men. I don't find big, tall and or masculine women sexy. The more feminine the better, and being small is feminine.

          Yes my Male friends and co-workers find me hilarious. I get your point about being too deliberate about humor where it just gets awkward but usually I'd say I'm pretty good at just avoiding shit like that. Another problem could be that most of my good jokes at work and shit are sex jokes, which I know to usually avoid around women.

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          • Ellenna

            I had a feeling that might be your idea of humour! At least you know to avoid sex jokes around women: if they're misogynistic jokes you're a lost cause anyway, because they indicate a derogatory attitude towards women which isn't usually kept in a neat little box away from actual women.

            How bad are your "jokes" if you feel you have to avoid making them around women?

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            • Doesnormalmatter

              Some might be okay but some definitely are not. Maybe gay jokes are okay. But once a girl from work actually THOUGHT I was gay because I joked about it so much.

              If she seems like the type to not be weirded out I might go for it. It depends on the girl and the joke but usually I don't bother unless I know her already. So like with a female coworker I will, and have, made many sex jokes. But if I'm just meeting a girl, I don't think the benefits of trying to make sex jokes outweigh the risks.

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  • Sunshinegirl

    It's your personality.
    I like in-shape guys. My dad was a natural bodybuilder, he even competed a few times. So I get all that.
    If you are having these troubles it is because of your personality.
    Work on that.

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    • Doesnormalmatter

      K thanks! I kinda figured it was more personality than just being big. Competing in bodybuilding is not fun btw I don't plan on doing it again lol

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  • litelander8

    Just looking to fuck is what's intimidating. Appearance doesn't matter. We're not frightened kittens we're human beings who dont want to be a random dudes cum dumpster.

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    • Doesnormalmatter

      Well plenty of women at my school are 'just looking to fuck' so I know that's not the only thing holding me back. Just because you personally find 'just wanting to fuck' unattractive, doesn't mean every other woman does. If no women 'just wanted to fuck' then I would still be a virgin.

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      • litelander8

        There's a problem with you if you associate they girls at your school with every other woman. And it's probably you.

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        • Doesnormalmatter

          Lol thanks for the advice. Can you critique my sex life even more please?

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          • litelander8

            Sure, As much as you've expressed to the entire IIN community.

            Youre are a pig. YOU sir, are the reason why feminism exists. What a shame....

            However, you have been blessed with this message;

            PLEASE STOP TREATING WOMEN LIKE CUMDUMPSTERS. YOU WILL GO NOWHERE. ITS NOT CUTE.

            I only wish you were a gentleman. Because if you were, I would've given you the time of day.

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            • Storm_Chaser

              *Feminist rage intensifies*

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            • Doesnormalmatter

              I only treat women like cum dumpsters who like being cum dumpsters. I wouldn't do it to anyone who didn't want it. Am I still in the wrong?

              Also on the bit about me not going anywhere, I already have! I have slept with 6 women(7 if oral counts!)and am thankful to have done business with each one! I consider that getting somewhere!

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            • Jimbo24

              Shut the fuck up! Bad advice!

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          • Jimbo24

            Don't listen to her. You're not a pig. She thinks a man who wants to get some is a pig. In this case, a couple billion men on earth are. Don't listen to these feminist harpies and turn into an asexual faggot who doesn't want to get some. You're straight! You want to bang some pussy! That's who you are. To these bitches, that makes you a pig. Well, fuck them! You're not turning homo because of them.

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            • Doesnormalmatter

              I agree! Don't worry I'm not planning on listening lol

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            • CountessDouche

              *incel rage intensifies*

              Also lol

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    • RoseIsabella

      👍🏻

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      • Doesnormalmatter

        Well plenty of women at my school are 'just looking to fuck' so I know that's not the only thing holding me back. Just because you personally find 'just wanting to fuck' unattractive, doesn't mean every other woman does. If no women 'just wanted to fuck' then I would still be a virgin.

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        • RoseIsabella

          Maybe you're not their type? 🤷🏻

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          • Doesnormalmatter

            I know but that's not really something I can control. Do you think a guy like would intimidate lots of college age girls or na? Maybe I'm worried about a whole lotta nothing.

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            • RoseIsabella

              I honestly don't know. Maybe you should look to date female bodybuilder types?

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  • Jimbo24

    By the way, you're way too obsessed with your height and your muscle. I only come to this site occasionally, and like every other day, I see you mention either of those. It's great, but it doesn't really matter in the great scheme of things and general life success. So don't put all your eggs in those baskets.

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    • Doesnormalmatter

      I don't do it just for women lol. It's the only thing besides sex and talking about either of those that I enjoy in my life. Its seriously just those two things. What does "general life success" mean anyways? I don't really wanna be rich that bad and my profession doesn't pay to well. I would rather be stronger and more jacked than rich.

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      • GaelicPotato

        Yea but you use steroids so you're not actually ripped.

        You're as ripped as I am a woman when putting two melons in my shirt.

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        • Doesnormalmatter

          That's not what the women I have fucked think. It's not that I don't care at all what you think, but to most women I've been with, muscle is muscle. And those are the opinions I REALLY care about. It's kinda like breast implants. Some guys get turned off because they know their fake, but some guys actually like them and encourage their women to get them.

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      • Jimbo24

        By "success" I just mean getting the things you want, be it women, a big house, or whatever. If a ripped body is what you want, and you get it, then you're halfway there. But you're obviously also aching for some hoes, and to that end, you either have money and/or status, or you look good and you approach like crazy. Having your own place also helps regardless of overall finances.

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        • Doesnormalmatter

          Yeah well I'm at college right now and my roommate doesn't know I even have sex so that may be an issue. I'll prolly just tell him tho lol. Yes big and strong is a huge goal for me but also women which I need to work on. But I'm on summer break right now so women are hard to get.

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  • Jimbo24

    Listen, bitches love "intimidating". Why do you they're into tattoos and serial killers? Because they imagine being serial killed by them and they jerk off to it. So when they see you big and all, they imagine you smacking them and forcing yourself. But it doesn't matter, since we have guns and tasers anyway.

    The problem with you is that you're sort of awkward, and to be honest, you seem a bit slow figuring how the world works, you know, the social clues and skills.

    Anyway, women are into status and money first and foremost. If you're a hot shot in some circle, or got some cash, you don't need much else. But if you're not, then just be good-looking, and approach those you like with a simple hi and a smile. Some lighthearted joke to break the ice, then say, "Hi, I'm Steve" while putting your hand forward, and take it from there. Lead, take the lead, like, "Hey let's go over here," "let's do that" "I know a good place, I'll take care of that." Be a man.

    And that's pretty much it. Before the date ends, you kiss her without asking, then take her to your place. And if she doesn't put out the first time, you go out again. And that's that.

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    • Doesnormalmatter

      You make it sound pretty easy. How do you know I'm awkward and bad a picking up how the world works? Just because of iin?

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      • Jimbo24

        I say that because you've been posting the same stuff for months on, the same problems on you how you can't get laid, and haven't seem to figure out how to proceed yet.

        Listen, we all have our weak spots. And for you, it seems to be approaching girls and taking it from there, from meeting to mating. So you're gonna have to work on it. As a starter and just to warm up, you could strike up lighthearted conversations with stranger women while keeping it completely platonic. Just talk to them, perhaps even be a little flirty, then tell them to have a good day and move on. Once you get used to it, and you start doing that naturally and smoothly like driving, then you start escalating and asking for their numbers.

        You could look "how to flirt" or similar stuff online if you want the details.

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        • Doesnormalmatter

          Hey I actually have been binge watching dating advice on you tube lately lol. You seem to be pretty keen on the matter yourself as well.

          Part of the reason I have been talking about sex so much lately on iin is because I have been on summer break from college. And that means almost no action. Idk if you know this or not but my parents are strictly religious and I can't let them find out I've gone atheist or else they will stop paying g me through school, which they are doing big time right now. Hopefully this year I can do better and I am getting more comfortable with women at one of my summer jobs at a restaurant.

          If I was to give one specific question about women, it would be about introducing them to kinky shit. How do I do that without weirding them out and how do I tell if they like it before things get to close?

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          • Jimbo24

            You just up the ante progressively. For instance, if you want to dominate them, then you start with random spankings, even outside of sex, like she's just standing there and you spank the bitch when you're passing by. Lowkey demean her. Then next time when you argue, grab both her wrists and tie them with your hand behind her back then talk to her face. And a little more the next time, and so on. If she doesn't strongly object and only gives meek resistance, then she's giving in and going along.

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            • Doesnormalmatter

              Yeah that sounds like a good way to go about it. Also if she likes rough sex that's a good sign prolly.

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  • jasperoliver

    when approaching a woman be slower paced and delicate with the wording, approach women who are in groups so they feel they have 'backup' if they believe you to be too intimidating, it can take the edge off.

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    • Doesnormalmatter

      Yeah that sounds like a good idea. Thanks for the reply mate.

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  • DIO

    If you're not ready to give up weight lifting (which is pointless, honestly) to date a woman, then dating a woman or getting laid is not THAT important to you.

    Besides, I still think you can get a girl while doing weight lifting.
    Shave your beard and stop being fast paced and brash.
    Be funny but don't overdo it. Listen to girls to learn what they like.

    Don't rape them, please.

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    • Doesnormalmatter

      If I get a little bit less action because I'm busy doing what I love in the gym, that's fine with me. I don't lift weights just to get more women either so get that idea out at your head. Even so, weight lifting is not pointless for me, I currently teach people how to do it for a living!!! Don't you think I should know how to do it as well?

      I have had sex before so I can confirm that it's possible to get a date without quitting my passion and career(duh) but either than that your response was solid.

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  • Doesnormalmatter

    I have already fucked seven women. It hasn't been THAT hard for me I just want it to be a little easier lol.

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  • Ummitsstillme

    Don't be unnecessarily loud or aggressive and your physical appearance will be an asset when meeting women

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    • Doesnormalmatter

      I try to it's justs I'm kinda loud and aggressive unless I consciously try not to be.

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  • Maybe you could try putting on a more gentle demeanor by lowering your voice, speaking more softly, and using considerate, indirect language.

    You sound like you look cool so I really don't want to advise you to change your appearance.

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    • Doesnormalmatter

      Yeah the looks aren't that off putting unless womens don't like muscles. I try to speak more softly and not be in such a hurry I'm just bad at it around women because I'm so nervous lol. Thanks for the helpful comment!

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  • Phoebe2005

    No and u sound hot and I wouldn’t be intimidated but I’d be too shy to talk to u so it wouldn’t matter if we knew each other

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    • Doesnormalmatter

      Why would you be too shy? This is the problem I'm tryna solve here.

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      • Phoebe2005

        Just the way I am I’d never talk to a guy in person and if I thought a guy was cute and he looked at me I’d look away

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        • Doesnormalmatter

          That's a real shame. I feel bad for you. What are you afraid of?

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          • Phoebe2005

            Like not knowing what to say if just in case he saw me staring and came and talked to me I’m sure I’d just end up freezing up

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            • Doesnormalmatter

              Sounds like you need some more exposure. Not claiming to have some magic potion, but I used to he the same way with women. Once I got a job and had to talk to them for work I started getting more comfortable and gradually expanded my comfort zone.

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  • Aterlierz

    Find an interest for cute things maybe, lots of girls are into guys who look intimidating but are actually really cute and friendly.

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    • Doesnormalmatter

      Yeah I agree that the contrast between expectations and reality has appeal to women, it's just about how I show my softer side.

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      • Ellenna

        Get a t-shirt with kittens on it? Just a thought .... Are there any babies in your family? If so you could produce pictures of them to show round.

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        • Doesnormalmatter

          Do they make hello kitty shirts in XXL?

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  • Tealights

    If you're just looking for random hole to fuck, then understand that women love to laugh, you just need to discover what type of humor they have and you're in.

    As an icebreaker, make fun of something obvious about yourself when you approach a woman, something we typically notice right away. For example, you're 6'4", that's tall as fuck and any woman would notice; make a funny about it, like how on earth did you fit through the door or something (of course come up with your own jokes cause mine are terrible).

    Very important, you must chuckle a little at your own joke or at her jokes while giving her relaxed eye contact. Most women love a man's smile, it's like the sexiest thing ever to us lol; I'm not talking about the over the top busting a gut laugh, but a relaxed smile that shows some teeth.

    Everything I mentioned takes practice. If you're not use to smiling, practice that shit. No jokes? Practice that shit.

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    • Doesnormalmatter

      I'm not just looking for a hole. I do have some discretion, albeit not a whole lot. Even though I have enjoyed casual sex in the past I am looking for a more committed typa deal this year if possible.

      My family and friends always think I'm funny but around women I find it hard and awkward to try and be funny. But that all sounds like great advice and I'll try to smile and laugh more. Thanks for the reply!

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      • Tealights

        "I'm not scary I'm just another guy tryna get laid who wants to make women happy and feel comfortable around me."

        Then why be so misleading in your initial post? I understand you didn't meant to be so, but women like to know where things are going from the start. So before venturing out there, get it in your head of what your main objective is: To get laid, or to find a potential partner?

        As for my advice, that was more so you can get sex. But since you want a girlfriend changes the rules around a bit. My advice for that is, meet people in places you two have in common. College classes, playing MMOs, clubs, etc; whatever you find enjoyment in, because that person will like it too and you two can break the ice by talking about it. It's very rare to meet a good partner in a bar or on Tinder, because the main goal in those situation is to have sex; which means you'll be harshly judged by your appearance and performance rather than the good person you are.

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        • Doesnormalmatter

          Yeah I could prolly worded that better in the post. I want sex really bad, but that's not the ONLY objective here.

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      • Grunewald

        I totes didn't have you down as an intimidating-looking guy... I hadn't even been sure if you were a guy or a girl...

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        • Doesnormalmatter

          Really? That's kinda surprising based off how much I talk about sex, I figured you woulda figured out. Appearance isn't to relavant on iin so that's more understandable.

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      • Wellyoudliketoknoweh

        Get an intimidating woman or someone who wants to feel protected by an intimidating guy I guess?

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        • Doesnormalmatter

          Hasn't worked to well. Also those type of women are rare and actually less attractive to me.

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          • Wellyoudliketoknoweh

            There are a few, just difficult to find. Well you don’t actually search, u just talk to those u wouldn’t normally talk to
            Aren’t there also those girls that literally go with everybody?

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            • Doesnormalmatter

              Yeah there aren't many but I do know a few. I might check them out we'll see. And the girls that would literally go with anyone are usually who I end up with. You get what you get and you don't have a fit I guess.

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