How do you wipe your bum?

I just wipe until there is a lack of fecal matter (ie. shit) on my ass

Baby wipes.

This is what you do, you spread your ass cheeks and hover over the toilet bowl, than wipe.

I find many bums are dirty and disgusting but I taught mine how to shower and now he does it all by himself. With alcohol as a reward, of course.

I go with my dad's advice (for once):

Nebuchadnezzar, King of the Jews
Wiped his arse on the Evening News
The paper was thin, and his finger went in
Nebuchadnezzar, King of the Jews

I'm sure other arse-wiping polemics exist, though.

I usually use sandpaper as a means of wiping my ASS. It gets EVERYTHING outta there!

Too much fixation over "polishing" one's rectum. Methinks there's an ulterior meaning here and it's not simply "wiping," either.

I lean to the left on one cheek, and just grab the hefty poo, and yank on it until I pull it out of my butt and bury it in my litter box.

Um, wheres the one where you just lift your right butt check and wipe

I say, ''hey hobo, get over here and let me wipe that dingleberry ass of yours!''

none of the above. i scrape it off with a pitchfork.

usually i dont need to wipe, i let my gf do that with her tongue

I liked the squat approach in India.

I keep a basket of yellow lab puppies in the bathroom and scrub one on my ass crack then jam it down the can with the end of a broom handle while flushing at the same time.

What do you mean until the papers still white? I wipe until there's no white left. I lean forward, wipe back a little bit to get the back part, then I go forward all the way and I might even use a second tissue.

I don't

Are you fucking serious? This is really something some one wrote? To answer the question I don't really have a method. I do remember that my old babysitter use to limit 2 squares per person though. It was kind of hard if you went number 2.

wiping is for the weak

i scrunch up the toilet paper and get it wet with warm water and wipe until the paper is white

i just sit and wipe but first wet the torilet paper and then wipe my ass in the usa

In English?

when I read the stand up options, I just had to laugh. I didn't know ppl actually stood up to wipe themselves.

Bidet or have to take a bath.

wipe till all white, then I go wash my ass too.

This is going to sound really stupid...but what the hell's a burn?

Using KITTENS to get the job done is the ONLY WAY TO GO!

Stand up and poke deep. Not a very comfortable method but most effective for me :).

And I cannot wait to see the wipe debating wars