How do i know if my relationship is progressing normally?

57% Normal
3 Comments

I've been dating my boyfriend for about 3 months and he's quite a bit younger than I. He's 24 and I'm almost 30. When I met him I was looking for THE one. However, being that he is so young, I'm trying to be patient with his finding himself and independence (I pride myself on being independent as well). Sadly though, I find myself obsessing over whether or not we are moving forward. We spend a good amount of time together and we have fun. He worries about me when its warranted (I've had a tough time over the last 3 months with my health). He plans lovely dates. He does considerate things that make me feel very cared about when we're together. But I feel almost forgotten when we aren't together. When I call him he usually texts me back which makes me feel like he doesn't want to hear from me. I am always the one who calls to check in. When I try to engage in more "serious" conversations about our pasts/family lives, he very often will give me the minimal information, like it's not important to talk about. Most recently, I shared a painful experience from my past with him and he didn't know how to react. He certainly didn't react the way I'd hoped. He acknowledged that he didn't react the way I'd hoped but it made me wonder about if he is really on the same page I am. Does anyone have any insight? Are my expectations unreasonable or am I possibly validated in feeling like we are not moving forward in a substantial way? At what point is it normal for me to feel more secure?

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57% Normal
Based on 30 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 3 )
  • penelope13
    14 years ago

    The previous comments are right on. He is 24 and frankly, he seems to want to keep it light until he feels it's ready to take the next step. Take some time for yourself and disconnect a little because it will only smother him and/or the relationship. If you want more, step back and be honest with yourself. We're always trying to convince someone that they should feel a certain way. However, we end up getting the short end of the deal. If you are meant to be together, relax and let it happen.

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  • andrian007
    14 years ago

    First things first, your bf is younger than you are by a significant amount and that does lead to the both of you not being on the same page. While you're looking for a serious relationship at the age of 30 perhaps leading to marriage, he may not be thinking that at the age of 24. He probably still wants to have fun.

    As for communication, it's hard to say given that I don't know your situation in greater detail. But the previous poster is correct: men are just not as good in communicating their feelings as women. This is the way it's going to be the way until the end of time.

    Your expectations are not unreasonable, the bigger problem is that your expectations are very different from his. The fact that he's not responding the way you would expect him to when you shared a painful past with him tells you something: He doesn't want to get too serious about these things and that he just wants to have fun for now.

    If you wait a little bit more, he may grow up and start thinking these things for himself. If he does not, then there could be trouble.

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  • Jim_Pfoss
    15 years ago

    It sounds to me like you are making a common mistake. Your boyfriend is not just a convex version of one of your girlfriends. Men just don't communicate the same way as women, and true, deep love is not expressed by mere words by real men.
    I think you need to appreciate what he DOES for you and worry less what he has to SAY about it or how he expresses himself.

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