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I can't stand it. I'm always worried what people think about me or say behind my back. I'm not paranoid, but my family is coming out this Christmas and I am so worried that they will talk sh*t about me when they leave, so I try to act perfect when they are here and I always have a bad time. Help me out.
Do you care about these comments? Do you worry about what these people think about you? Do you care when you raise your voice in public?
Why do you care? If you worry about people who don't even know you think you'll probably never see these people again and they'll forget about you tomorrow. Second most of the time people think about themselves and their own issues in their heads rather than other people most of the time. Third the more worried you are the awkwarder you act, the more you try to be likeable you become unlikeable. So, only care about the people who care about you. Tell them to warn you and tell it to your face if you do anything that bothers them so you can work on yourself. Hope this helps.
well if you think it too much, who thinks what, you will never be able to be you.
Only if you get rid of the fear of unacceptance, you will be able to let your personality come up on the surface.
But remember what buda or somebody holy said:Best path is always in the middle.
Balanced personality. Heh. Noody can do that.
Be just normal.
first of all you cant stop what they are thinking, unless your some crazy mind control dude and secondly if people have a problem with you its their problem, no person should have to avoid being themselves to please others, the best way to beat that is to go to the extreme. if your scared of heights climb to the top of a building as they say. its what i did when i was in your position, always trying to please people and acting in a way that they wont say shit bout you. it ruined the earlier parts of my life having to supress all my thoughts and feelings on certain things so that others wouldnt think im an idiot for them.
honestly i am 18 and if i have learned anything during this life it is to be your self, your true self. I mean be little more classy around a group of people or gathering but still have fun with it dont hold back and have a bad time. Its normal to think people hate you or bad talk to you, but would you rather be fake to your family or whoever and they like you or be your self and them not like you? its hard to get over how you feel but i believe you can do it, it will take awhile though, but just give it sometime and slowly bring out who you are, you cant be that bad just show it!
But isn't always worrying what people think about you a bit paranoid? Anyway ...
Lets assume your worry stems from your family having bad mouthed you on a frequent basis, so you have been hurt, and have real trust issues, and believe you have to be perfect. You can't possibly look forward to a toxic and stressful visit like that.
Here's a crazy idea. Take control. Take all the control. It is your home and event - don't be rude - but just try to please yourself. And, beyond just hosting, take no responsibility for them to enjoy themselves.
What would be fun for you? No visit? Then cancel it. Or if you are holding it what type of event do you want - what would please you and you alone. Beans and toast or order in for Christmas dinner? Great. Be selfish.
And if they don't like that you have done exactly as you pleased for yourself - then screw 'em - because they would be unhappy anyways - because unless you behaved horribly, which is unlikely THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE TO ENJOY THEMSELVES. And if they don't - to bad - at least you will have enjoyed it.
OK - maybe this is far fetched - but I am trying to say instead of trying to be perfect, just relax & be yourself.
The fact is they would dump on you either way, if that is what they are into. So you may as well not get stressed trying to be perfect and the pleaser.
In the end - I wouldn't even have them in my house - family or not - if they were such toxic ingrates.
This trick helps me out: Look in the miror and look at your face or what ever and give yourself a compliment that you belive is true. I may sound like a wimp but, this was difficult for me to do, because i have low self esteem.
To all the paranoid people out there...You paranoia will never help anyone...If you think about it for a while, you can truly accept it and move on away from paranoia. I used to have paranoia but now i dont...this is off topic isnt it?
Be like me, I have went through so much bullshit that I am used to being insulted. I became emo and now I'm more goth than that, but not with all the piercings and shit. I now don't give a damn what people say or do. If it's against me, I even sometimes laugh. I have recently been challenging people to insult me, none have succeeded. (I don't really want you to be like me, I had to go through WAAAAAAAAAY too much shit to be in my situation.
I think I have your solution.. the trick is to not focus on it... it might take some practice, but if you practice on just not focusing on it, it will get better
like when you start thinking about what others think, just stop and dont focus on it, or dont focus on it so much
it might be hard at first, but you will also need some humility to not be able to care... hope I help