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I'm turned on by the idea of my wife being turned on by other people (men or women). I want to find her a lover who will give her great orgasms. When we have sex I imagine I'm another guy and that I'm standing to the side watching. I've seen this on the internet, but can't say how "normal" it is. I feel confused, help!
There are two options. This is either a fantasy, or you are polyamorous and would be happy for your wife to be so too.
If this is just a fantasy, then you do not want to act on it. Why? Because porn is not like real life and there is a very good chance you will suddenly not like it anymore and will feel both a sense of betrayal and guilt, betrayal because your wife had sex with another person, guilt because it was your idea.
This is something you would have to discuss with her if you feel comfortable. I have had these fantasies myself but if push came to shove, I don't think I'd be happy in a real life situation. Maybe with another woman because that way I don't feel it is impinging on MY relationship with my wife as her husband. If she has been with me this long, clearly there is something I can give her, certainly it's something a woman, even one with a strap on, cannot give.
I think it's hot too, and I love to see my wife getting filled while I'm inside her too. But dating someone else outside the relationship? Nope.
For us, anybody else we add to the equation is considered pretty much a sex toy (not to denigrate them as a person, but they know what they're getting when they make their decision to be involved.)
But I CAN imagine a situation where feelings might come into play for either a male or female third partner. And if it is agreed to by all involved, even cohabitation might work. But so far, there's been nothing close to that cross our minds about anyone we've shared, and I doubt there ever will be.
I have been following this issue for perhaps 7 years. I agree that it difficult to assess the popularity of the lifestyle. However, it cannot be denied that is has a commanding presence on the Internet. That alone should tell you that normalcy is a forgone conclusion. I must say that I was somewhat puzzled by the behavior myself, but I and many others have come to understand it and even admire it. Behavioral changes emerge and fade all the time, Its survival depends on its rate of expanding popularity how it identifies itself over time, is it a behavior, a lifestyle, a community?
What is most surprising to me is the ever increasing rate of growth and expansion. development and depth of identity, and the prevalence and Commanding Presence as Community in itself. Who knows, this could be the face of marriage in the near future. It has captured the attention of enough people for it to spotlighted and given a significant part of the show in a national television news magazine like 60 minutes. That alone tells you that it has arrived!
There is a group of psychiatrist that has been studying the practice of Sex, Romance, Marriage and Relationships in America for quite while now. They used to be connected with InternetCollege.com, but had to move to a new website because of the expansion and practice of what they call Variant Monogamy. There is NO pornography on this website, just coverage in case studies and analysis of Variant Monogamy: Open Marriage, Hotwife and Cuckold lifestyles. You can find the new website here: http://www.varietalsex.com/mdindex.htm
They make a very good point. Though at least one spouse regularly has sex outside of the marriage, there is no infidelity because they have both the consent and approval of the other spouse, and most often, their encouragement. The spouses have a very close bond and commitment to the primary relationship.