Here's a sexual catch22 for you

30 Comments

Your life is in danger. A Cuban drug lord named Professor Twinkletoes Gustavo plans on killing you. He gives you a choice though:

"Choose one of three acts to be done on you and I will let you live"

Choose only one of choices 1, 2 or 3 if you are a guy.
Choose only one of choices 4, 5 or 6 if you are a girl.

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Comments ( 30 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • RoseIsabella
    8 years ago | pl

    Papa's got the action, because the ladies' choices are all deadly. Or I could just stand up to or trick the gay drug lord.

    P.S. Fuck you for saying, "choose only". Whatever whatever, I do what I want"

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago | pl

      Do what you want then. It will just end up in you losing your life. Professor Twinkletoes Gustavo takes flack from no woman.

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      • RoseIsabella
        8 years ago | pl

        I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees!

        Papa Action answers to me now! Watch yo back, punk ass, biotch.

        P.S. Look at yo results, everyone wants a piece of Papa's Action. Yeah, baby!

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          8 years ago | pl

          I say the benevolent lobster will take the win ;)

          The early lobster gets the cock

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  • eastbeast
    8 years ago | pl

    How does he qualify to be known as a 'Professor'?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago | pl

      He studied to attain his doctorate at a tertiary institution of his choosing.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago | pl

      He studied to attain his doctorate in a tertiary institution of his choosing.

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  • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk
    8 years ago | pl

    i wouldnt put myself in a position to be in debt to a drug lord

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  • Nokiot9
    8 years ago | pl

    How come the ones that the women have to choose are like.... Waaaay worse than the ones I have to? Lol. I mean, I'm down! I got a room In the back with a chair bolted to the floor over a drain, and the walls all covered with painters tarps. We good to go! Soundproof and all. MUAHAHAHA!

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  • sexysonofsam
    8 years ago | pl

    My good friend, I am going to plow professor twinkle-toes up his arse, then i am going to eat the fucking lobster. after that I will let the homeless, toothless fucker suck my sack!

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  • modernism
    8 years ago | pl

    Papa Action. Same reason as RoseIsabella. Gotta give us at least one option where we can live - or I'm going to be forced to cheat the system.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago | pl

      There is an option where you can live... the titty saw. but it seems like most women would rather die than lose their breasts

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      • modernism
        8 years ago | pl

        I'd most likely bleed to death and if not that, there's always infection. None of the options have a high survival rate. And I'm not that shallow. It's not like I have double D's anyway - not much to lose. I'd opt for my life over titties any day.

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      • RoseIsabella
        8 years ago | pl

        So why are you a misogynist? Papa Says, "hi" by the way.

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  • slings_and_arrows
    8 years ago | pl

    But the lobster one wasn't that bad. Cant believe some people went from the HIV guy or the poisonous snake. I went for the umbrella...who knows it might be enjoyable.

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  • TheChakraMantra
    8 years ago | pl

    Gimme the poisonous snake and let it go to town, coz it didn't say the snake had to be alive, or that I couldn't use the tail end.

    But I don't think 6 is even physically possible...

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  • charcoalwish
    8 years ago | pl

    I choose to get plowed in the ass.. nothing better hahaha.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    8 years ago | pl

    Just to clarify:

    Professor Twinkletoes Gustavo has a moustache.

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  • Anonnet
    8 years ago | pl

    Went with Papa Action. Was going to go with lobster at first, but I tried looking up how much force a lobster could squeeze with, and I'm not sure how my dick would fair. Judging from the fact that it's a handjob, I would probably have to stay until I came. But I'm not a masochist, so that seems like a bad choice.

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  • Nokiot9
    8 years ago | pl

    I got a saws all with all kinds of crazy attachments. And all those knots I learned in Boy Scouts... I've used more of them in the bedroom than anywhere else lol. And I used to own my own sailboat.

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  • handsignals
    8 years ago | pl

    I chose the lobster, I'm Australian.

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  • webs
    8 years ago | pl

    As a man, I choose death.

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  • LifeTheRide
    8 years ago | pl

    I'd choose the umbrella butt!

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    8 years ago | pl

    Accidentally voted for the lobster handjob. Ok, I vote for the tittie jigsaw. HALF OF NOTHING IS STILL NOTHING AHAHAHA

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