Here's a sexual catch22 for you

30 Comments

Your life is in danger. A Cuban drug lord named Professor Twinkletoes Gustavo plans on killing you. He gives you a choice though:

"Choose one of three acts to be done on you and I will let you live"

Choose only one of choices 1, 2 or 3 if you are a guy.
Choose only one of choices 4, 5 or 6 if you are a girl.

get plowed in the asshole by a prison inmate named Papa Action	42
receive a handjob from an aggressive, yet benevolent lobster	30
get sucked off by a toothless, ruthless, homeless man with H.I.V	10
get a good ol' muff diving from a poisonous snake	10
get half of your boobs sawed off by a jigsaw	2
get an umbrella stuck up deep and opened in your butt.	15

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Comments ( 30 )

RoseIsabella

9 years ago

Papa's got the action, because the ladies' choices are all deadly. Or I could just stand up to or trick the gay drug lord.

P.S. Fuck you for saying, "choose only". Whatever whatever, I do what I want"

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Do what you want then. It will just end up in you losing your life. Professor Twinkletoes Gustavo takes flack from no woman.
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    9 years ago
    
    I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees!
    
    Papa Action answers to me now! Watch yo back, punk ass, biotch.
    
    P.S. Look at yo results, everyone wants a piece of Papa's Action. Yeah, baby!
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      I say the benevolent lobster will take the win ;)
      
      The early lobster gets the cock
      
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      - RoseIsabella
        
        9 years ago
        
        Lobsters do have class and style, this is true.
        ;-)
        
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eastbeast

9 years ago

How does he qualify to be known as a 'Professor'?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  He studied to attain his doctorate at a tertiary institution of his choosing.
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  He studied to attain his doctorate in a tertiary institution of his choosing.
  
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donteatstuffoffthesidewalk

9 years ago

i wouldnt put myself in a position to be in debt to a drug lord

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Nokiot9

9 years ago

How come the ones that the women have to choose are like.... Waaaay worse than the ones I have to? Lol. I mean, I'm down! I got a room In the back with a chair bolted to the floor over a drain, and the walls all covered with painters tarps. We good to go! Soundproof and all. MUAHAHAHA!

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sexysonofsam

9 years ago

My good friend, I am going to plow professor twinkle-toes up his arse, then i am going to eat the fucking lobster. after that I will let the homeless, toothless fucker suck my sack!

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- RoseIsabella
  
  9 years ago
  
  That's the spirit!
  
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  - sexysonofsam
    
    9 years ago
    
    I thank you kindly!
    
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modernism

9 years ago

Papa Action. Same reason as RoseIsabella. Gotta give us at least one option where we can live - or I'm going to be forced to cheat the system.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  There is an option where you can live... the titty saw. but it seems like most women would rather die than lose their breasts
  
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  - modernism
    
    9 years ago
    
    I'd most likely bleed to death and if not that, there's always infection. None of the options have a high survival rate. And I'm not that shallow. It's not like I have double D's anyway - not much to lose. I'd opt for my life over titties any day.
    
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    9 years ago
    
    So why are you a misogynist? Papa Says, "hi" by the way.
    
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    - modernism
      
      9 years ago
      
      I wouldn't say he's a misogynist so fast, but that doesn't mean I'm very fond of him anyway. :P
      
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      - RoseIsabella
        
        9 years ago
        
        Professor Twinkletoes Gustavo is an ass!
        
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slings_and_arrows

9 years ago

But the lobster one wasn't that bad. Cant believe some people went from the HIV guy or the poisonous snake. I went for the umbrella...who knows it might be enjoyable.

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TheChakraMantra

9 years ago

Gimme the poisonous snake and let it go to town, coz it didn't say the snake had to be alive, or that I couldn't use the tail end.

But I don't think 6 is even physically possible...

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charcoalwish

9 years ago

I choose to get plowed in the ass.. nothing better hahaha.

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Anonymous Post Author

9 years ago

Just to clarify:

Professor Twinkletoes Gustavo has a moustache.

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Anonnet

9 years ago

Went with Papa Action. Was going to go with lobster at first, but I tried looking up how much force a lobster could squeeze with, and I'm not sure how my dick would fair. Judging from the fact that it's a handjob, I would probably have to stay until I came. But I'm not a masochist, so that seems like a bad choice.

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Nokiot9

9 years ago

I got a saws all with all kinds of crazy attachments. And all those knots I learned in Boy Scouts... I've used more of them in the bedroom than anywhere else lol. And I used to own my own sailboat.

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handsignals

9 years ago

I chose the lobster, I'm Australian.

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webs

9 years ago

As a man, I choose death.

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LifeTheRide

9 years ago

I'd choose the umbrella butt!

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NeuroNeptunian

9 years ago

Accidentally voted for the lobster handjob. Ok, I vote for the tittie jigsaw. HALF OF NOTHING IS STILL NOTHING AHAHAHA

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- shuggy-chan
  
  9 years ago
  
  Half a nipple
  
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Here's a sexual catch22 for you