First off sorry for the bad word abbreviation SpongeBob, I'll do better next time. But as for the topic... He made a comment last month that he may need anger management but when I bought it up afterwards he just casual acted like he was joking. He does seem to sometimes have issues with blowing up at silliness ie. Leaving work if one of his coworkers says something he doesn't like...When we first got together he was really sweet and considerate but now I'm seeing a lot of passive agressive behavior and pettiness but I also see a lot of loyalty and he seems to have a good heart. I completely understand what you said about him relapsing after a month or so but I do want to make it work with him.
The fact that he seemed good at first, it's like he wanted to impress you. It's like I said about the relapse, he will act differently to keep you and then revert back to his actual personality. This is probably what he did during the first part of your relationship.
Next, you seem to think that him mentioning that "he may need anger management" is some kind of glimpse that he is a great person. Notice that word "may"? That's him dodging responsibility about his own statement. It's a weasel word, they are frequent in the news; that way they can do exactly what your husband did; pretend it was just conjecture or humor when it isn't followed. Again, the fact that he considered it a joke means that he doesn't take it seriously, he most likely isn't even recognizing it as a problem. I'm guessing that the context was along the lines of him overreacting (to a lesser degree than you described as average) and calming after a minute, using the 'joke' to try and diffuse the tension that arose. Again, this is him trying to get on your good side. He probably knew he just looked like a tosser and decided to improve his image a little by using humor. Unfortunately, he didn't realize that it wasn't taken as joke in the first place, because he doesn't see his average interaction as something requiring management.
I'm not judging that you want to make it work. I'm actually someone who believes that love will out, and that if two people are happy that they are entitled to be left alone by people who disagree with their pairing. But you aren't happy. Look at your tone in the post, you think of this guy as badly as I do, you've just embellished it with a few vague things, that people casually hearing would dismiss as 'good enough' reasons for staying. The reason you've embellished it? Because you still try and think of him as the man he was when you first met him, you're suffering for his memory, not his presence.
So go ahead and stay, try and make it work. Just know that you can set a timer on your phone from the moment you tell him you aren't happy and as soon as the first month elapses, he will have changed. He may even start reverting sooner, in subtle ways that you don't notice until someone points to them. I said above from a reasonable guess (based purely on your description) that as soon as things go wrong at work or times get hard he will take it out on you.
He's mad at me for small stuff
↑ View this comment's parent
← View full post
First off sorry for the bad word abbreviation SpongeBob, I'll do better next time. But as for the topic... He made a comment last month that he may need anger management but when I bought it up afterwards he just casual acted like he was joking. He does seem to sometimes have issues with blowing up at silliness ie. Leaving work if one of his coworkers says something he doesn't like...When we first got together he was really sweet and considerate but now I'm seeing a lot of passive agressive behavior and pettiness but I also see a lot of loyalty and he seems to have a good heart. I completely understand what you said about him relapsing after a month or so but I do want to make it work with him.
--
SpongeBobSquareBants
6 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
I was kidding about the abbreviation...
The fact that he seemed good at first, it's like he wanted to impress you. It's like I said about the relapse, he will act differently to keep you and then revert back to his actual personality. This is probably what he did during the first part of your relationship.
Next, you seem to think that him mentioning that "he may need anger management" is some kind of glimpse that he is a great person. Notice that word "may"? That's him dodging responsibility about his own statement. It's a weasel word, they are frequent in the news; that way they can do exactly what your husband did; pretend it was just conjecture or humor when it isn't followed. Again, the fact that he considered it a joke means that he doesn't take it seriously, he most likely isn't even recognizing it as a problem. I'm guessing that the context was along the lines of him overreacting (to a lesser degree than you described as average) and calming after a minute, using the 'joke' to try and diffuse the tension that arose. Again, this is him trying to get on your good side. He probably knew he just looked like a tosser and decided to improve his image a little by using humor. Unfortunately, he didn't realize that it wasn't taken as joke in the first place, because he doesn't see his average interaction as something requiring management.
I'm not judging that you want to make it work. I'm actually someone who believes that love will out, and that if two people are happy that they are entitled to be left alone by people who disagree with their pairing. But you aren't happy. Look at your tone in the post, you think of this guy as badly as I do, you've just embellished it with a few vague things, that people casually hearing would dismiss as 'good enough' reasons for staying. The reason you've embellished it? Because you still try and think of him as the man he was when you first met him, you're suffering for his memory, not his presence.
So go ahead and stay, try and make it work. Just know that you can set a timer on your phone from the moment you tell him you aren't happy and as soon as the first month elapses, he will have changed. He may even start reverting sooner, in subtle ways that you don't notice until someone points to them. I said above from a reasonable guess (based purely on your description) that as soon as things go wrong at work or times get hard he will take it out on you.
I really hope for your sake that I'm wrong.