I was molested when I was 5 by my own brother. There's speculation my father may have messed with both of us when we were too young to remember. I understand a lot of your feelings. I've bought sex toys multiple times. Enjoyed the hell out of them, only to throw them away out of shame. I last had sex with a woman in 2014 February. I have made a point to go solo for a long time until I feel as close to healed as I can. I know the gay part of me isn't the real me. I've spent the better part of 4 years alone and have slowly felt a lot better about everything. I am really not here to judge you are make you feel badly, I just sometimes look at myself in hindsight and wish there were certain friends I may have had.
Okay sorry I thought you were just another person hating on me for no reason.
Our childhoods were robbed from us...
I was physical beat up by my real dad who's an drunk.
The sexual abuse with my step-dad happened to me when I was 13 and didn't stop until I left home at the age of 18. That's when I met my bf at uni, he was just a friend then but he's also bi and open about it. But we slowly got closer and started dating and now he's my bf. But I always felt guilty about my feelings for him sometimes randomly like it's still wrong... And our relationship is really complex like he's more of a support right now, so I feel like trying to leave him would be tearing away my last standing foundation of sanity. I was psychotic(PTSD, depression, anxiety) on my own... Even sometimes I really wish we were a straight couple but I can't imagine how id be able to leave him now, he has helped me so much. I still have to deal with my family and step-dad at get togethers, but I try to keep my distance and I can't imagining going alone, I don't even have a friend anymore...
Glad to hear that you're doing better.
I wish there was a pill to make me normal.
Yeah, unfortunately a lot of that stuff doesn't start to show in who you are until adulthood. I think that I probably had a few helping hands from God along the way. It sounds like maybe you have struggled more to cope.
What helped me when I was younger was mimicking adults. I feel like there was a part of me that never learned how to be a child. I seek rules and follow them because I need that structure in my life. I avoid unnecessary confrontation and work to keep things positive. This often means positive music only. Finding a somewhat healthy hobby. Not cursing, etc. It's considered boring to some, but it's a way for me to move on. I attempt to believe in something better, such as a God, without getting too religious or outspoken about it. I sleep with a fan on so I don't have to think too much. When I was in late elementary school, I put my all into sports. I find things I can channel my bad feelings into. Now that I am older, work is one of them. Being too young is a door I will only open so much. I do believe that mind over matter is possible, but that is also my own choice. I have sought what I wanted to.
Anyways, these are just some things in regards to my own life. I won't proceed to assume anything about yours. I know that it is confusing.
That's okay it was a misunderstanding. I realised that we do have some things in common.
I sleep with the fan on too, and I didn't even realise why I can't sleep with it off, now I know why. And I was also a sport fanatic, but quit because of bulling on my sexuality. For some reason others could figure out my secret interest in other guys. And my hobby is digital or 3D art, but that been dying. But I've been slowing been getting back into it now.
I was born into a religious fanily, but my religion has slowly weakened over the years, I only believe in a god now, but I don't like to follow the religion anymore. But I was happier I guess when I was more religious.
And maybe I should break out of the habit of listening to sad music when I'm down, actually makes me feel worse, don't know why I keep subjecting my self to that.
Thanks for the personal insight, I appreciate it. And don't worry it all good.
He punched her in the mouth, is this justifiable?
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I was molested when I was 5 by my own brother. There's speculation my father may have messed with both of us when we were too young to remember. I understand a lot of your feelings. I've bought sex toys multiple times. Enjoyed the hell out of them, only to throw them away out of shame. I last had sex with a woman in 2014 February. I have made a point to go solo for a long time until I feel as close to healed as I can. I know the gay part of me isn't the real me. I've spent the better part of 4 years alone and have slowly felt a lot better about everything. I am really not here to judge you are make you feel badly, I just sometimes look at myself in hindsight and wish there were certain friends I may have had.
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Anonymous Post Author
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Okay sorry I thought you were just another person hating on me for no reason.
Our childhoods were robbed from us...
I was physical beat up by my real dad who's an drunk.
The sexual abuse with my step-dad happened to me when I was 13 and didn't stop until I left home at the age of 18. That's when I met my bf at uni, he was just a friend then but he's also bi and open about it. But we slowly got closer and started dating and now he's my bf. But I always felt guilty about my feelings for him sometimes randomly like it's still wrong... And our relationship is really complex like he's more of a support right now, so I feel like trying to leave him would be tearing away my last standing foundation of sanity. I was psychotic(PTSD, depression, anxiety) on my own... Even sometimes I really wish we were a straight couple but I can't imagine how id be able to leave him now, he has helped me so much. I still have to deal with my family and step-dad at get togethers, but I try to keep my distance and I can't imagining going alone, I don't even have a friend anymore...
Glad to hear that you're doing better.
I wish there was a pill to make me normal.
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LionsMane
5 years ago
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Yeah, unfortunately a lot of that stuff doesn't start to show in who you are until adulthood. I think that I probably had a few helping hands from God along the way. It sounds like maybe you have struggled more to cope.
What helped me when I was younger was mimicking adults. I feel like there was a part of me that never learned how to be a child. I seek rules and follow them because I need that structure in my life. I avoid unnecessary confrontation and work to keep things positive. This often means positive music only. Finding a somewhat healthy hobby. Not cursing, etc. It's considered boring to some, but it's a way for me to move on. I attempt to believe in something better, such as a God, without getting too religious or outspoken about it. I sleep with a fan on so I don't have to think too much. When I was in late elementary school, I put my all into sports. I find things I can channel my bad feelings into. Now that I am older, work is one of them. Being too young is a door I will only open so much. I do believe that mind over matter is possible, but that is also my own choice. I have sought what I wanted to.
Anyways, these are just some things in regards to my own life. I won't proceed to assume anything about yours. I know that it is confusing.
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Anonymous Post Author
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That's okay it was a misunderstanding. I realised that we do have some things in common.
I sleep with the fan on too, and I didn't even realise why I can't sleep with it off, now I know why. And I was also a sport fanatic, but quit because of bulling on my sexuality. For some reason others could figure out my secret interest in other guys. And my hobby is digital or 3D art, but that been dying. But I've been slowing been getting back into it now.
I was born into a religious fanily, but my religion has slowly weakened over the years, I only believe in a god now, but I don't like to follow the religion anymore. But I was happier I guess when I was more religious.
And maybe I should break out of the habit of listening to sad music when I'm down, actually makes me feel worse, don't know why I keep subjecting my self to that.
Thanks for the personal insight, I appreciate it. And don't worry it all good.