He is insecure, as are all men to some degree (sorry). If he gets angry during these blame situations, then it would be less normal. Blaming can turn into verbal abuse. If you have mutual friends, ask a friend to discuss this with him. If he is not getting angry (just annoying you) trying making a joke about it (this may take time to catch on). Also try padding his ego when things go wrong and focusing on how good he is at fixing things. Then he won't have time to blame, because he will be focusing his energy on being the alpha male.
He does get angry! I think you're right and he is using this as a form of verbal or mental abuse. Half the time, it's just deflecting blame and not accepting responsibility and the other half it's a game to him. For example, just yesterday we were at the mall and he saw some video games he wanted. They are expensive and it's about summer time so I agreed to let him pick one to buy and that was it for a while. He agreed. OK then came the mind games. He tries to get me to pick one of the 2 he wanted-he does this all the time and I knew what he was doing, he wanted me to pick the game so he could later on blame me if the game sucked. I don't play video games at all, period, so I know nothing about them. I have literally zero input of value and he knows it, his motives for making me pick were clear to me-to be able to blame me for the choice, and possibly by blaming me for a bad choice be able to weasel his way into getting another game after we agreed on just one game for a while.
It went even further than this too. He had a fit because I refused to pick one so he went to another store and picked some used cheap old game and again asked my opinion on it. I knew what he was doing, he thought I would tell him to get it just because it was so cheap-I knew he didn't actually want the game because it had been out for a long time and he never expressed interest in it so I knew it was some kind of ploy. Either he wanted to be able to buy it and come back at me and say that it was so cheap that he should be able to get one of the other expensive games too or blame me for picking a cheap crappy game when he really wanted the more expensive one, and use this to make me feel bad for him and wear me down untill I gave up and let him get the other game.
It's all so gaddamned stupid and ridiculous!! I've confronted him about it several times and he knows I know what he's doing but it does no good. I guess I'll try to get him to come to counseling with me now that I know that this is very abnormal behavior. I really wasn't sure how normal or not normal this was till I asked!
Are you kidding me?How old is your husband? Coz if he is anything older that 12 then no that is not normal at all. Playing pathetic little mind games like that to get a video game? I personally love video games, but that is just ridiculous. I vote councilling too.
Yes! Please do seek counseling. This type of behavior can easily escalate! He may not realize how much this affecting you, or he may be under other types of stress that he does not have a proper outlet for. A counselor can be a good moderator to work out these issues, and if neccessary to tell you when you need to take more serious action. Also, consider keeping a short diary of these instances - particularly when anger is involved. In some states this type of diary is admissable in court documents (hopefully it will not come to this, but too many women get burned because of insufficient evidence). You can also call a domestic abuse hotline if you do not know what to do or if something qualifies as abuse. Good luck to you.
He has to blame me for everything!!
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He is insecure, as are all men to some degree (sorry). If he gets angry during these blame situations, then it would be less normal. Blaming can turn into verbal abuse. If you have mutual friends, ask a friend to discuss this with him. If he is not getting angry (just annoying you) trying making a joke about it (this may take time to catch on). Also try padding his ego when things go wrong and focusing on how good he is at fixing things. Then he won't have time to blame, because he will be focusing his energy on being the alpha male.
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He does get angry! I think you're right and he is using this as a form of verbal or mental abuse. Half the time, it's just deflecting blame and not accepting responsibility and the other half it's a game to him. For example, just yesterday we were at the mall and he saw some video games he wanted. They are expensive and it's about summer time so I agreed to let him pick one to buy and that was it for a while. He agreed. OK then came the mind games. He tries to get me to pick one of the 2 he wanted-he does this all the time and I knew what he was doing, he wanted me to pick the game so he could later on blame me if the game sucked. I don't play video games at all, period, so I know nothing about them. I have literally zero input of value and he knows it, his motives for making me pick were clear to me-to be able to blame me for the choice, and possibly by blaming me for a bad choice be able to weasel his way into getting another game after we agreed on just one game for a while.
It went even further than this too. He had a fit because I refused to pick one so he went to another store and picked some used cheap old game and again asked my opinion on it. I knew what he was doing, he thought I would tell him to get it just because it was so cheap-I knew he didn't actually want the game because it had been out for a long time and he never expressed interest in it so I knew it was some kind of ploy. Either he wanted to be able to buy it and come back at me and say that it was so cheap that he should be able to get one of the other expensive games too or blame me for picking a cheap crappy game when he really wanted the more expensive one, and use this to make me feel bad for him and wear me down untill I gave up and let him get the other game.
It's all so gaddamned stupid and ridiculous!! I've confronted him about it several times and he knows I know what he's doing but it does no good. I guess I'll try to get him to come to counseling with me now that I know that this is very abnormal behavior. I really wasn't sure how normal or not normal this was till I asked!
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unsure106
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Are you kidding me?How old is your husband? Coz if he is anything older that 12 then no that is not normal at all. Playing pathetic little mind games like that to get a video game? I personally love video games, but that is just ridiculous. I vote councilling too.
Yes! Please do seek counseling. This type of behavior can easily escalate! He may not realize how much this affecting you, or he may be under other types of stress that he does not have a proper outlet for. A counselor can be a good moderator to work out these issues, and if neccessary to tell you when you need to take more serious action. Also, consider keeping a short diary of these instances - particularly when anger is involved. In some states this type of diary is admissable in court documents (hopefully it will not come to this, but too many women get burned because of insufficient evidence). You can also call a domestic abuse hotline if you do not know what to do or if something qualifies as abuse. Good luck to you.