I appreciate your comment, I've seen your comments elsewhere on here and I think you're one of the more sensible, balanced people on IIN so I really appreciate your advice.
My boyfriend and I talked about it at length afterwards, he was frightened too and said he couldn't believe it had happened, he never would have thought he would do that. I know he really, really doesn't want to lose me and doesn't want anything like that to happen again. He's a good person, even if he does have some violence in him as you suggest - he's a reasonable, affectionate, intelligent, loving man and he wants our relationship to work so badly. He does have a few issues from his past and it is possible he does have some anger in him, I know he would never hurt me while sober but it is possible that when he loses control when drinking that anger has the potential to come out.
He did say he didn't realise that choking was dangerous and said that in his drunk brain he thought it was no more dangerous than when he puts his hands round my throat sometimes when we have sex, he admitted he wanted to scare me at the time (which isn't great) but I do believe him when he said he didn't realise how risky it was and thought it was more of a frightening gesture than something that might actually hurt me. We have a very close, honest relationship and I am certain that if he had intended to hurt me at the time he would have admitted it afterwards and owned up to it. I think he made a huge mistake and clearly has problems controlling his anger when he's too drunk.
Do you think him having therapy or anger management might be more appropriate than walking away?
If he does that when you have sex and then when he's suddenly really angry, I'd say they're connected on some level. How much do you really know about the guy.
He choked me
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I appreciate your comment, I've seen your comments elsewhere on here and I think you're one of the more sensible, balanced people on IIN so I really appreciate your advice.
My boyfriend and I talked about it at length afterwards, he was frightened too and said he couldn't believe it had happened, he never would have thought he would do that. I know he really, really doesn't want to lose me and doesn't want anything like that to happen again. He's a good person, even if he does have some violence in him as you suggest - he's a reasonable, affectionate, intelligent, loving man and he wants our relationship to work so badly. He does have a few issues from his past and it is possible he does have some anger in him, I know he would never hurt me while sober but it is possible that when he loses control when drinking that anger has the potential to come out.
He did say he didn't realise that choking was dangerous and said that in his drunk brain he thought it was no more dangerous than when he puts his hands round my throat sometimes when we have sex, he admitted he wanted to scare me at the time (which isn't great) but I do believe him when he said he didn't realise how risky it was and thought it was more of a frightening gesture than something that might actually hurt me. We have a very close, honest relationship and I am certain that if he had intended to hurt me at the time he would have admitted it afterwards and owned up to it. I think he made a huge mistake and clearly has problems controlling his anger when he's too drunk.
Do you think him having therapy or anger management might be more appropriate than walking away?
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BlackyHancock
7 years ago
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Tommythecat.
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thegypsysailor
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gypsyfag
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"it was no more dangerous than when he puts his hands round my throat sometimes when we have sex"
There's a big red flag right there. He already has the underlying impetus to choke you, it's just that he keeps it under control when he's not drunk.
My advice?
Get out while you still can.
If he does that when you have sex and then when he's suddenly really angry, I'd say they're connected on some level. How much do you really know about the guy.
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RoseIsabella
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*meows adamantly with a mouth full of sushi*
Meow reow!
You two might want to stop drinking for a while. See if his commitment is strong enough to do that? Just a thought.
Use your feminine wiles. Nothing calms a man down more than a woman showing him how attractive she views him to be.