Yes... that was exactly what it was like. I recognized the steps of this 'dance' the moment we'd begun because I'd danced it before. I knew that the future of our friendship would hold a degree of joy and a degree of pain, but I hadn't banked on it flooring me like this.
I think I'm going to cancel my final two mentoring sessions with her. Everything in me longs to have those three hours of her undivided attention, but I can't bear the indignity of the fact that she'd only be spending that time with her because her boss was paying her to. Whatever I might get out of the 'mentoring' will probably be undone anyway in emotional tumult the next Whatsapp message she ignores...
Yes. She called me her 'friend' first. She had just completed a training course in coaching that was funded by the workplace and I was her 'Guinea pig', so to speak. I know a little about therapeutic relationships, having had counseling before (and having given 1-1 language classes in a business context: the demands of professionalism are similar). I didn't want to say anything because I thought that it was maybe just her 'way', and that she would find a way to make it work, but part of me feared that being her friend, colleague and coach-ee could potentially end in trouble. Especially since she kept consciously changing 'hats' mid-session. I strongly insisted that she be just my work coach and not my life coach, and urged her not to change roles, in order to limit how out of hand things can potentially get. But they have gone that way anyway.
Have you had a satisfying friendship with someone with a saviour complex?
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Yes... that was exactly what it was like. I recognized the steps of this 'dance' the moment we'd begun because I'd danced it before. I knew that the future of our friendship would hold a degree of joy and a degree of pain, but I hadn't banked on it flooring me like this.
I think I'm going to cancel my final two mentoring sessions with her. Everything in me longs to have those three hours of her undivided attention, but I can't bear the indignity of the fact that she'd only be spending that time with her because her boss was paying her to. Whatever I might get out of the 'mentoring' will probably be undone anyway in emotional tumult the next Whatsapp message she ignores...
I feel so rotten...
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RoseIsabella
4 years ago
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So she is a mentor that was assigned to you at work?
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Grunewald
4 years ago
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Yes. She called me her 'friend' first. She had just completed a training course in coaching that was funded by the workplace and I was her 'Guinea pig', so to speak. I know a little about therapeutic relationships, having had counseling before (and having given 1-1 language classes in a business context: the demands of professionalism are similar). I didn't want to say anything because I thought that it was maybe just her 'way', and that she would find a way to make it work, but part of me feared that being her friend, colleague and coach-ee could potentially end in trouble. Especially since she kept consciously changing 'hats' mid-session. I strongly insisted that she be just my work coach and not my life coach, and urged her not to change roles, in order to limit how out of hand things can potentially get. But they have gone that way anyway.