Hating your mom for not helping you buy a car, but you help her?

38 Comments

I'm 22 and my mom really sickens me. I am always doing my part to help her out, but she doesn't do her part to help me. Currently, I'm helping her with her school work so that she can receive her license, and at the same time I'm also fixing her house.

Recently, I asked her if she could lend me $3,000 so I can buy a car, but she refused to help me. She lied and said, " Oh! I don't have anymore money, just a few hundred dollars left! ". I know how my mom is, and she's a miser when it comes to money. I know for a fact that she has tens of thousands of dollars saved up, but she refuses to help me.

I know I'm an adult and that my mom isn't responsible for my needs anymore, but it just really sickens me how I'm doing my part to help her out, but she doesn't help her own son who is less fortunate. What do you guys think?

This would sicken me too.	39
This wouldn't bother me.	20

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Comments ( 38 )

-WhySoSerious-

12 years ago

Your mom is the one who carried you for 9 months, and stayed awake next to you when you were sick as a child. She fed you, and taught you. And 3 grand you're saying she sickens you? Be real...

I know whatever I do, I will never be able to repay my mom back what she has given me..

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- goodatit
  
  12 years ago
  
  he did not ask to be born
  
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  - -WhySoSerious-
    
    12 years ago
    
    She also didn't ask for him to ask her for $3,000.
    
    If you want to go by with that stupid logic, then there's a million things she hadn't asked for in her son.
    
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[Old Memory]

12 years ago

I'm younger then you and I have two jobs, I take care of myself but also take care of my parents. So get a job or two and you'll have three grand in your pocket by the end of the month or even sooner.

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Dillanfire

12 years ago

I would always help out my Mum without expecting anything in return.

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[Old Memory]

12 years ago

Helping out your mother with her studies doesn't take away any money from you, why should what you do be compared to what you want her to do be seen as the same thing?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  I'm not using comparison as a justification for help, in fact I wouldn't mind it if I helped her 10X more then she helps me. My reasoning is...if someone has been good to you, and if you know this for a fact, isn't it only fair to do the same if you not only have the power, but know it's also nescessary?
  
  I'm not saying that it's the case where everytime I need help that I feel I'm entitled to 100% of someone's attention, all I'm saying is that it's only fair to expect help when it's essential.
  
  I really don't think I'm being too disagreeable about this. With family and friends you bond with, it's only fair that everybody is entitled to some level of help. It's human nature.
  
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  - [Old Memory]
    
    12 years ago
    
    But she's the one that has helped you far more. A home, food and her raising you. You don't need help, you're just being impatient. Needing someones help is needing someone to help you get past something, not get you something sooner. If she was to turn around and say "Hey, I have raised you and helped you since you were a child. I think it's time you pay me for all the money I spent on you while raising you", does that sound fair?
    Also, do you pay rent? If not, then you see what I'm going to say on how unfair it is for her for you and keeping you when she could fling you out of the home unless you pay rent.
    
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  - [Old Memory]
    
    12 years ago
    
    You were fed and nurtured when you were a child. You were paid for. I think that she has done alot for you already. There is a difference between asking for helping and asking for that amount of money.
    
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    - tommy81
      
      12 years ago
      
      Yeah, but that's not anything extraordinary. Feeding and sheltering your kids is mandatory by law. It's not like you're doing your kids a favor that you could otherwise choose not to do. That's a bullshit argument. I would never throw that in my kids faces. I created them, I'm responsible for them.
      
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      - TyLee
        
        12 years ago
        
        I totally agree. You create your kids then you are responsible for them. Its not doing them a favor.
        
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      - Anarchy
        
        12 years ago
        
        Mandatory? In what world do you live in?
        
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        tommy81
        
        12 years ago
        
        Ever hear of child neglect? You can go to jail and have your kids taken from you if you don't feed or shelter them. Most countries have these type of laws. I live in the U.S. where they are part of the welfare and institutions code.
        
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- [Old Memory]
  
  12 years ago
  
  its tricky, She probably thinks she wont get it back, what about cosigning? also getting a contract drawn up stating you will pay her back notorized. Or giving her a check that you sign and if she cant cash it by the time you said you have the money in your account to pay her back she takes you to court? that may prove your serious about paying her back. i know some parents that ruin thier credit for the adult children, and some that wont help at all financially, and tell you to pray about it, i hope you find the middle:)
  
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PurpleDurple

12 years ago

If you can pay her back within a short term, you can also earn the money for the car in that short term.
Just work for it and buy that car yourself.
It's your responsibility.

And helping someone doesn't mean that person HAS to do something back.

For a 22 year old, you aren't the most mature person (as I've also read as an earlier comment)

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  I wasn't being real specific in my post, and that's my fault, so I'll go into more detail right now.
  
  I asked my mom to lend me money previously and at that time she agreed to it. Her exact words we're, " I'll lend you the money. Just give me a few weeks and I'll help you get your car ". I waited a few weeks, and still no word yet, so I decided to confront her and ask her. Then she said (As seen above in my description), " Oh! I don't have anymore money, just a few hundred dollars left! ", and that was the end of it.
  
  I'd agree with you about me being immature if I just asked her for money and she said " no " the first time, but she gave me her word and didn't follow through with it. Not only that, for some reason she felt the need to lie too.
  
  I don't think any other person would react and take this anymore differently then I have. It's dishonest and misleading, and I don't think it's wrong of me to have resentment towards my mom for that.
  
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disthing

12 years ago

Also, "hating your mom" and saying you're 'sickened' by her for not lending you money to buy something unnecessary is like the conclusion of a child - it suggests you're pretty immature. If you're intending to present yourself as a responsible 22 year old, trustworthy and reliable, the kind of person who could be expected to look after a car, you haven't done a good job with your puerile whinging.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  I wasn't being real specific in my post, and that's my fault, so I'll go into more detail right now.
  
  I asked my mom to lend me money previously and at that time she agreed to it. Her exact words we're, " I'll lend you the money. Just give me a few weeks and I'll help you get your car ". I waited a few weeks, and still no word yet, so I decided to confront her and ask her. Then she said (As seen above in my description), " Oh! I don't have anymore money, just a few hundred dollars left! ", and that was the end of it.
  
  I'd agree with you about me being immature if I just asked her for money and she said " no " the first time, but she gave me her word and didn't follow through with it. Not only that, for some reason she felt the need to lie too.
  
  I don't think any other person would react and take this anymore differently then I have. It's dishonest and misleading, and I don't think it's wrong of me to have resentment towards my mom for that.
  
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Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress

12 years ago

Seriously?

Just because you're "good" to her does NOT mean she can afford just shelling out $3K for you.

Even if you get mad about it. In fact... ESPECIALLY if you get mad and hate her for it.

If you really want a car I would suggest leaning about finances, saving money, and public transport.

There are people out there every day who take the bus or walk.... I don't see where you're too special for this.

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- disthing
  
  12 years ago
  
  Agreed.
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  I wasn't being real specific in my post, and that's my fault, so I'll go into more detail right now.
  
  I asked my mom to lend me money previously and at that time she agreed to it. Her exact words we're, " I'll lend you the money. Just give me a few weeks and I'll help you get your car ". I waited a few weeks, and still no word yet, so I decided to confront her and ask her. Then she said (As seen above in my description), " Oh! I don't have anymore money, just a few hundred dollars left! ", and that was the end of it.
  
  I'd agree with you about me being immature if I just asked her for money and she said " no " the first time, but she gave me her word and didn't follow through with it. Not only that, for some reason she felt the need to lie too.
  
  I don't think any other person would react and take this anymore differently then I have. It's dishonest and misleading, and I don't think it's wrong of me to have resentment towards my mom for that.
  
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  - Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    
    12 years ago
    
    Perhaps she's finding out she doesn't have as much as she thought she did. I mean bills do take up a lot of your income sometimes.
    
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TyLee

12 years ago

I think its normal that this sickens you. My mom is the same way. She is so stingy with her money. No joke she left me at 18 with no place to live and no food and no money and refused to help me out with anything. Not even 100 dollars a month to help me. Wtf! Yet she expects everyone to give her money. I know how you feel. I think that she should help you out. A car is necessary in my opinion.

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MarcusD101

7 years ago

Depends. It basically depends on the extent of the work you do for her. You're basically doing labour for nothing. Then again, $3000 is a lot.

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sissycakes

11 years ago

she has also helped you out a lot, she is your mother. she might be saving that money to do something really nice for you, or in case someone gets sick. you should never hate someone over material things, especially your mother.

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disthing

12 years ago

£3000 is a lot of money, I would never expect to borrow that amount from my mother for a car I don't need (I've got legs and public transport). But different families and all...

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[Old Memory]

12 years ago

Buying you a car is a bit much to expect.

When I was 19 years old and living on my own, asked my mum for money for food because I was starving and she said "no". I had to go to the Food Bank and a friend gave me some milk and eggs.

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[Old Memory]

12 years ago

Moms are human. There are good moms and not so good moms... That's life.

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pambambam

12 years ago

when my parents split up i left w / my mom
and my brothers with my dad. my brothers hated my mom because they felt she was weak. even after i was the only that stayed by her. i asked her to co sing or lend me a car. she said no , and gave a masda to my brother. I took it very personal. She didnt want to help me.. i had to walk like 5 miles to get to work.. so im totally with you.

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lease

12 years ago

I think you're doing good by helping around the house and helping her with her licensure. In her mind, it's probably something she expects you to do. Does she make you pay rent?

Here's what I experienced: My parents did help me pay for my first car, but I could tell mom didn't like it because I was leaving the nest...and mom's DON'T like that. From this aspect, I can see her not wanting to help you out with a car.

You might try a little reverse psychology and said "I've gotta walk to work, I don't have time to help you right now or fix anything. I need to earn money for a car." ...might change her mind.

BUT.....BUT.....don't do anything that'll upset her too much. For all you know, she's already got a car picked out for you and she's slowly putting money away for a down payment.

Good luck!

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wigsplitz

12 years ago

Could you just tell her you are having a really hard time right now, and ask her to consider paying you for your time? You could say that you are struggling so much, and you'd like to be able to keep being able to help her, but you won't be able to anymore because you'll have to take on another job or something.

If you're 22, and your mom has all kinds of money but is just using you as free labor then that's wrong. Just say, 'hey it would cost you 'x' to have someone come in here and do this work, can we at least work something out? I'm hurting here!'

Your mom's home is getting improved, which is money in her pocket (free labor AND increased value), and you're helping her get licensed and probably a better paying job, so again, more money for her....I'd say she should help you in some way at least.

I know a person just like this and they sicken me too. I KNOW for a fact they have over 6 figures in the bank, yet this person actually gets fucking food stamps, uses senior citizen discounts and is NOT a senior, not even close (they just look old enough so no one questions it), won't pay for anything and expects people to serve them, and takes every coupon, discount and freebie around even if they are doing it by illegal, or dishonest, means. That's not cool behavior, that's milking everyone and every system for all it's worth. That's disgusting.

My mom actually made me do illegal things for HER financial gain, and almost got me in HUGE trouble (she claimed MY kid on her tax return, ludicrous!!). At least your mom isn't that bad probably, but sometimes you have to draw a line, mom or not, or else some people will just use you up.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  Well, I'm glad I have someone I can relate to, it makes me feel much better. I wasn't too specific in my description and I left out that my mom had previously given her word that she'd lend me the $3,000 and didn't follow through with it. It's my fault that I gave some of the users here the wrong idea. <BR><BR>I was thinking about asking my mom to give me compensation for helping her, but it honestly wouldn't make me feel good to ask her that. I'm just leaving whatever happened where it's it. I hate having this resentment towards my mom, but I can't shake this feeling. I really hate dishonesty, especially when somebody has given me their word and doesn't follow through with it. I just get tired of people misleading me. I just need people to be honest, even if it's not something I'd like to hear.
  
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boxmonkey

12 years ago

yea i know how ya feel man,in the end you will have to decide wether your mom deserves the help or not,cos i needed some help with some cash to and i was pissed to find out my dad wouldnt loan me some cash even after i helped him pay his bills,at 1st it seemed like he was just being a cheapskape but as it turned out he had to pay for medical bills,sometimes things arent as they seem,but sometimes they are so iff your moms being cheap then maybe she doesnt deserve the help but yknow somtimes people just dont have the heart to not help somone they care about,even if they are jerks,so i guess it comes down to you

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Hating your mom for not helping you buy a car, but you help her?