Hate my fiance's friend's wife with a passion and can't get over it.

82% Normal
6 Comments

Before i met my fiance, he constantly hung out with his best friend "Tom" and his best friend's wife, "Erin".

When we started dating, he talked about Erin ALL THE TIME. at first it was just stories about stuff they've all done before, old college stories, etc. Of course this didn't bother me. As time progressed things got a little creepy. For example, we'd be at the store looking for clothes and he'd hold up a dress and say, "you know who would look great in this? ERIN." One time we were in the grocery store and out of the blue he said, "Erin loves cheese, but she says she won't buy any because she'll eat too much of it." Or we went to see a play and he commented that one of the actresses was cute and looked like Erin. He rarely talked about Tom, just Erin. It started to sound like he was interested in her than more than a friend. I'd say this went on for about a year and just got more and more creepy and annoying.

Finally i met the amazing Erin. She was not at all as great as he described. She was cold and only talked to Tom and my fiance. She barely conversed with me and was generally a b*tch. The three of them talked about "college days" and made no effort to include me. It was the most uncomfortable situation I've ever been in.

Finally i confronted my fiance about it and he was appalled. He said it was gross that i would think he'd be obsessed with his friend's wife. He said Erin was great and was so nice when she met me and he didn't know what i was talking about. Basically he was livid with me and defended Erin like she was some kind of goddess from the heavens.

We now don't I talk about Erin ever, and if he visits them, I never go. I feel bad that it has to be like that but I can't get over how obsessed he was with her and how he couldn't even take my side when i was so hurt. I don't think he was doing it to hurt my feelings but it still had the same effect. I don't think i can ever bring myself to talk to her and it causes tension between us. I wish i could just say, let bygones be bygones. But i can't because every time i think of him around her i feel like he is secretly wishing that he was in tom's place, getting to take erin home that night. I know my fiance would never cheat on me and has denied time after time that he has ever had any romantic attraction to Erin. Keep in mind that he has many other friends and relatives who i get along with fabuously, it's just f'n erin that makes my skin crawl.

Is this normal for me to feel like this? Am I being petty and harboring too much resentment? Has anyone else been in this situation? Some days I just feel like i'm crazy for feeling this way, but who would want the person they love to constantly obsess over another woman...friend or not?

Voting Results
82% Normal
Based on 45 votes (37 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • robbieforgotpw
    10 years ago

    The Amazing Erin
    Ahahahahahahahah

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  • Dreams1
    13 years ago

    I had the same problems.. but mine wos more complicated because they were having an affair. I just don't know if her husband knows about it and is okay with it. I have a son and had plans of getting married, but this woman just destroyed our relationship. The times I have talked to him to try to work things out he refuses to stop all contact with her... and his excuse is "His friend" her husband. So in my case the OBSESSION he feels for her is stronger than the love he feels for his family.

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  • MarijuAtheist
    13 years ago

    Honey, that is NOT normal. If my fiance obsessed about a woman like that, I would seriously consider leaving him. You need to confront the situation and have a real talk with him. Be calm but assertive.

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  • JaneFonda
    14 years ago

    I dont think its normal! I thikn its rude on his side. I have the exact same problem where he sees nothing wrong with the way she is but I do. She only contacts him and she and his best friends invite themselves to his place to cook lunch. I think thats just rude and disrespectful. She never contacts me or speaks to me when I am not around. So is is faking it with me so he sees no problem when she is around and looks at me as thought I am the insane one. Some woman do that on purpose to show you that she got more of a say in the relationship then you have. Tell him to respect your feelings and that if he wants to see his friend he should see him without her cause u not there. he owes you that cause u should be the only woman in his life other than his mother.

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  • hashbrowns
    14 years ago

    well only you know the ins and outs of your relationship so no one can really judge the situation but what i can say is that you should always follow you're gut instinct. This is the man you are going to marry so you need to put yourself first for a while to figure out exactly what you want. if you're honestly happy with you're relationship and this is the only exception then you should be able to talk to him about it without him getting annoyed. communication is healthy and the sooner you sort it out once and for all the sooner you can completely enjoy spending time with one another without any inhibitions =)

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  • Zedhunter
    14 years ago

    Now, it's normal to not want your fiance to obsess over someone else, but my advice would be to try to confront him about this.
    If he has an obsession as clear as day, it could escalate. Just talk to him about it, perhaps try counseling/therapy to help him break this.
    Help him see things more realistically.

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