Sorry for commenting without replying to your original post first.
I think it's normal that your partner needs some stimulation to get hard even if it used to be different and the stimulation wasn't necessary in the past. On the other hand, I understand that it annoys you if you have never been into those activities and now they're "a *major* requirement" which seems too long to you.
Your partner's decreased ability to get hard may have various causes. It isn't quite possible for us to know how serious the problem is - if it's in the range of "normal" or if it's something more serious. Whatever the case, it may help to know if his decreased ability to get hard is caused by physiological or psychological factors. Here are some pointers to help you find out what is more likely:
Physiological: more common later in life; problems with erections are pervasive – i.e. occur not only during sex with a partner but also when the man masturbates or is asleep, disappearance of morning erections.
Psychological: even at a young age, middle-age men; problems with erections are situational – for example, they occur only during sex with a partner, but the man doesn't have the problem during masturbation, he has erections in the morning and when asleep.
If the problem seemed to be physiological and if your partner had no morning erections, he should see a doctor because it may also be a sign of another medical problem (e.g. diabetes, blood vessels).
If the problem seemed to be psychological it would be an issue for another comment.
Whatever the cause, the problem with erections usually get worse when the men feels under pressure to get hard as quickly as possible and he feels bad that his difficulties make his partner nervous about the whole thing. From this point of view, it is understandable that you are trying to find other ways how you could deal with the problem which could be used instead of your stimulation of his cock.
Well, I don't know what you've tried and to what degree you are open to other means how to get him hard.
Anyway, I think your approach should be as positive as possible – I mean it should seem pro-sexual rather than anti-sexual. It would be better if it looked like experimenting, not so much as a mere effort to get him hard.
When oral or manual stimulation is not an option for you, there are other things you could try (you may not like all of them but I'll mention what has come across my mind so far):
1. masturbating in front of each other – your partner himself would do the “job” instead of you :)
2. sex toys – for example using a vibrating “vagina” for stimulation of his penis instead of your hands or your mouth
3. using a vacuum pump to make his penis hard (a cock ring may be used after that to help him stay erect during sex)
4. watching porn which may be combined with masturbation before having sex
If natural ways don't work and you decide to use some drugs or supplements, he'd better consult it with a clinician not buy the stuff over the Internet as it might be dangerous.
Harder to get hard...annoying!
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Sorry for commenting without replying to your original post first.
I think it's normal that your partner needs some stimulation to get hard even if it used to be different and the stimulation wasn't necessary in the past. On the other hand, I understand that it annoys you if you have never been into those activities and now they're "a *major* requirement" which seems too long to you.
Your partner's decreased ability to get hard may have various causes. It isn't quite possible for us to know how serious the problem is - if it's in the range of "normal" or if it's something more serious. Whatever the case, it may help to know if his decreased ability to get hard is caused by physiological or psychological factors. Here are some pointers to help you find out what is more likely:
Physiological: more common later in life; problems with erections are pervasive – i.e. occur not only during sex with a partner but also when the man masturbates or is asleep, disappearance of morning erections.
Psychological: even at a young age, middle-age men; problems with erections are situational – for example, they occur only during sex with a partner, but the man doesn't have the problem during masturbation, he has erections in the morning and when asleep.
If the problem seemed to be physiological and if your partner had no morning erections, he should see a doctor because it may also be a sign of another medical problem (e.g. diabetes, blood vessels).
If the problem seemed to be psychological it would be an issue for another comment.
Whatever the cause, the problem with erections usually get worse when the men feels under pressure to get hard as quickly as possible and he feels bad that his difficulties make his partner nervous about the whole thing. From this point of view, it is understandable that you are trying to find other ways how you could deal with the problem which could be used instead of your stimulation of his cock.
Well, I don't know what you've tried and to what degree you are open to other means how to get him hard.
Anyway, I think your approach should be as positive as possible – I mean it should seem pro-sexual rather than anti-sexual. It would be better if it looked like experimenting, not so much as a mere effort to get him hard.
When oral or manual stimulation is not an option for you, there are other things you could try (you may not like all of them but I'll mention what has come across my mind so far):
1. masturbating in front of each other – your partner himself would do the “job” instead of you :)
2. sex toys – for example using a vibrating “vagina” for stimulation of his penis instead of your hands or your mouth
3. using a vacuum pump to make his penis hard (a cock ring may be used after that to help him stay erect during sex)
4. watching porn which may be combined with masturbation before having sex
If natural ways don't work and you decide to use some drugs or supplements, he'd better consult it with a clinician not buy the stuff over the Internet as it might be dangerous.