Harder to get hard...annoying!

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17 Comments

My partner recently got into the age where it's harder to get a boner. I'm very frustrated because I was never into foreplay and now foreplay is like a *major* requirement. I'm trying to be understanding but I am not a patient person by any means. It's like a big part of my life is just gone now.

The sex itself is great! Our relationship is fine as well. It's just the foreplay part that sucks (for me anyway). He used to get boners out of thin air! Stuff that used to get him hard in a second now takes a lot longer. It's hard for me to be into it knowing that this *used* to work by now but he's still only at half-mast. I know it's not his fault, and it's not my fault, it's just a "thing" that happens but nonetheless it's maddening. I switch things up a lot, I do all sorts of things for him. We don't even see each other too often so we're not sick of each other. When we do get to be together we both really want to have sex but we have this "technical difficulty".

IIN? What are some ways to deal with this?

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Based on 10 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 17 )
  • Darkoil
    11 years ago

    If you really believe the problem is stemming from a physiological problem due to age then he could try and take some natural testosterone boosters like Tribulus terrestris, taking a supplement might help overcome any psycological problems as well due to the placebo effect.

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  • Naamah
    11 years ago

    Sorry for commenting without replying to your original post first.
    I think it's normal that your partner needs some stimulation to get hard even if it used to be different and the stimulation wasn't necessary in the past. On the other hand, I understand that it annoys you if you have never been into those activities and now they're "a *major* requirement" which seems too long to you.

    Your partner's decreased ability to get hard may have various causes. It isn't quite possible for us to know how serious the problem is - if it's in the range of "normal" or if it's something more serious. Whatever the case, it may help to know if his decreased ability to get hard is caused by physiological or psychological factors. Here are some pointers to help you find out what is more likely:

    Physiological: more common later in life; problems with erections are pervasive – i.e. occur not only during sex with a partner but also when the man masturbates or is asleep, disappearance of morning erections.

    Psychological: even at a young age, middle-age men; problems with erections are situational – for example, they occur only during sex with a partner, but the man doesn't have the problem during masturbation, he has erections in the morning and when asleep.

    If the problem seemed to be physiological and if your partner had no morning erections, he should see a doctor because it may also be a sign of another medical problem (e.g. diabetes, blood vessels).

    If the problem seemed to be psychological it would be an issue for another comment.

    Whatever the cause, the problem with erections usually get worse when the men feels under pressure to get hard as quickly as possible and he feels bad that his difficulties make his partner nervous about the whole thing. From this point of view, it is understandable that you are trying to find other ways how you could deal with the problem which could be used instead of your stimulation of his cock.

    Well, I don't know what you've tried and to what degree you are open to other means how to get him hard.
    Anyway, I think your approach should be as positive as possible – I mean it should seem pro-sexual rather than anti-sexual. It would be better if it looked like experimenting, not so much as a mere effort to get him hard.
    When oral or manual stimulation is not an option for you, there are other things you could try (you may not like all of them but I'll mention what has come across my mind so far):
    1. masturbating in front of each other – your partner himself would do the “job” instead of you :)
    2. sex toys – for example using a vibrating “vagina” for stimulation of his penis instead of your hands or your mouth
    3. using a vacuum pump to make his penis hard (a cock ring may be used after that to help him stay erect during sex)
    4. watching porn which may be combined with masturbation before having sex
    If natural ways don't work and you decide to use some drugs or supplements, he'd better consult it with a clinician not buy the stuff over the Internet as it might be dangerous.

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  • dirtyliamschultz
    11 years ago

    man id suck you off

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  • Energy
    11 years ago

    Time for some Viagra, lmao.

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    • Naamah
      11 years ago

      He doesn't need a Viagra but a partner who would enjoy playing with his cock instead of a partner who expects him to always get a boner out of thin air and when she does something, she puts pressure on him to get hard as soon as possible because she obviously doesn't like it and gets nervous because of it. Yeah, having sex with such a woman must be a huge turn on which makes him hard in a second. Such behavior can only make him feel bad about himself and make the problem even worse. Poor guy who has to go through this insead of sharing sexual pleasure with someone who would enjoy playing with his cock orally or manually. <BR>Viagra should be used only in cases when the guy suffers from serious erectile dysfunction when sexual stimulation doesn't work and not in cases when his partner just doesn't want to pay attention to his cock for some time. Viagra should be used only as a solution to physiological problems with erections which manifest also in other situations (when the guy masturbates, when he is asleep, he can notice the absence of morning erections that he used to have etc.), not in cases which can be solved naturally.

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      • Energy
        11 years ago

        Why should she play with his cock?! Plenty of healthy men that can skip that bullshit, and get straight to the sexing.

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        • Naamah
          11 years ago

          Trying to sound manly? Well, not very successful attempt...
          If you think that playing with a cock, oral sex etc. is bullshit, sex with you must be even worse than sex with a prude and completely frigid housewife.
          Do you have a dick at all? Or are you just a fucking impotent with an aversion to blowjobs? Or both?

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          • Energy
            11 years ago

            A dick doesn't even make a man. Or else anyone with a dick would be considered a "man" and that's just pathetic. And no, I'm not trying to sound "manly" I'm a feminist who thinks she deserves better. And you need to stop defending her husband like he's some weak shit. I'm sure he feels the same as her. And fuck yeah prude women are sweet.

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            • Naamah
              11 years ago

              "And you need to stop defending her husband like he's some weak shit."
              You misunderstood me completely, I am not doing that at all. I wrote what I wrote because I don't like that you call the sexual stuff bullshit just because you have an aversion to blowjobs and can't stand a woman touching your feminist "dick".
              You are awfully wrong when you look down on men who don't get an erection on command. I bet they are better in bed than you unless they suffer from sexual aversions like you and unless they are disgusted by their own dicks and find them gross like you.
              You would be a good couple with that prude and frigid sweety who would just lie there disgusted by "the thing" in her ... (down there). Oh, that's sweet! What a great fantasy of the ideal sex!

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      • Anonymous Post Author
        11 years ago

        You took my post the wrong way, but, OK I guess??

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  • ygrowup
    11 years ago

    Time for him to see a doctor for checkup and some slightly embarrassing conversation

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  • ccjigsaw
    11 years ago

    For every flaccid penis. There's a pill. LOL

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