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i’ve been dating this guy, we’ve hung out like 5 times but have been talking as friends for awhile. anyways, we were talking and he mentioned how he doesn’t want kids, at least not right now. and it made me feel weird bc i’ve always wanted kids and that’s something i really want. do you think he will change his mind later if we were to pursue a relationship?
I wouldn’t invest time in someone whose long-term goals didn’t match mine. It’s perfectly legitimate to end it because you want incompatibility different futures.
Unless you're prepared to change your mind and not want kids, you should remain friends and nothing more.
It's wrong for you to try and force him into a situation where he feels obligated to give you children. I would either deal with it or leave.
Keep in mind having kids is a monetary and mental investment. If he does not want children so be it.
I don’t think seeing each other five times means get to baby making business. But you should have common goals. I think I’m this day in age, it’s not normal for people to want to have kids.
At age 25 I had a disease that nuked my nuts, I only fire blanks still after 45 years so it was a good job I didn't want kids. However I did make it known to make sure no broody females got the wrong idea.
The kid thing is a funny one because there is no compromise. You either become a parent or you don't. People who don't want kids shouldn't have them, and people who do want kids really shouldn't miss out on them for somebody else.
This is a common situation to be in. Some people are naturally drawn to the idea of becoming a parent whereas others are sometimes deterred since day one. They see it more so as an unnecessary burden rather than a wonderful thing (this may not be his thoughts but it's a fairly normal one). Ultimately, you two need to sit down and seriously discuss it. It's clearly important to you that you have kids down the road. He needs to understand that if you're together then kids ARE happening, even give a timeframe like within the next 3 years etc. If he doesn't want that then you know he's simply not the one for you. Nobody should change their values for the benefit of another, it's important to find someone whos values correlate with yours.
yeah i agree. we’ve only gone on like 4 or 5 dates so it’s not a conversation i need to have soon haha
Best of luck to you! While he may mean a lot to you it's important to stand by your values. Life is about achieving your goals and aspirations. Respectfully parting ways due to differences is as natural as love itself. Some are simply not made to be together, similar to a puzzle. Considering our population, there's undeniably multiple partners that'll be perfect for you :)
Perfectly normal, the world is overpopulated enough and doesn't need more kids. If he doesn't want them he has every right not to, and if you want them its best for you to date someone who does too.
Why do you want kids?
Look around.
things arent getting better.
if you love your unborn kids.
love them enough to not have them.
Having kids now is selfish.
Thinking only about what you want.
Not about the world youre forcing them into.
I decided when I was 18 that I didn't want kids and I haven't changed my mind 10 years later, if anything I feel more strongly about it now.
I would be wary about dating a man who doesn't want kids if I want them myself. However depending on how old you are he can always change his mind especially if he says "at least not right now".
Well how serious of a problem would that be for you in a future? And how soon would you even want kids?
Would the relationship even last that long?
Those, to me, are the questions that you need to answer.
Nevermind the possibilities of him changing his mind. Assume he wouldn’t.
That should help you decide if you want to just keep it casual or be friends or try to keep dating
It really depends how old you are, what your dating histories are etc. I tend to take people at their word and don't try to project my wants onto them. That never works in my experience.
He might change mind; it depends on if you can wait, I suppose. If you're pushing 40 then time's running out, but if you're in your early twenties then you can wait and see if he change his mind.