Give a baby booze on the plane

Just 3-4 of those 50ml bottles of vodka to make him stop crying, on two 8+ hour flights (my parents live in a different country). Spaced apart about two hours or whenever he starts crying, IIN?

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13% Normal
Based on 60 votes (8 yes)
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Comments ( 18 )
  • litelander8

    3-4!? Troll..

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  • Boojum

    First, it's definitely illegal, although I'm sure you already know that and apparently the fact doesn't bother you. I assume you also don't really give a shit about possible child endangerment charges resulting in the kid being taken away from you, and you consider the possibility of criminal charges, a court hearing and maybe doing time just trivial, unlikely inconveniences compared to the hassle of listing to a fretting infant for a few hours.

    Alcohol is a toxin, and it's entirely possible to die of acute alcohol poisoning. As with all poisons, the toxicity of alcohol is measured in terms of grams per kilogram of body weight necessary to result in death.

    The lethal dose of alcohol is 5 to 8 grams per kilogram of body weight. If the baby weighs five kg (11 lbs), then the lethal dose is around 35 grams (1.2 ounces) of pure ethanol . Vodka is usually around 40% ethanol, so one of those 50 ml bottles contains around 20 ml of pure alcohol. Ethanol weighs around 800 grams per litre, so 20 ml of it weighs about 16 grams.

    So giving a 5 kg baby one of those little bottles of vodka is about half the lethal dose, and it shouldn't kill the kid outright - assuming, of course, that the infant doesn't have a genetic predisposition to be very sensitive to alcohol. Also, alcohol depresses breathing, so if the baby has any respiratory problems (and what infant isn't constantly snuffling?) or it's sleeping slumped over in a position where its lungs aren't working that well, you could end up coming off the plane with an infant that's been brain-damaged by poor respiration of thin, high-altitude air over a period of hours.

    I have no idea how well an infant's liver can metabolise alcohol, but it generally takes an adult about an hour to get one ounce (28 ml) of alcohol out of their system. Since you'd be putting a helluva strain on the infant's liver, I think it's pretty safe to assume that you run a real risk of killing the kid by giving it four shots over a period of six hours.

    Still, looking on the bright side, I suppose that's one way you can be sure you'll enjoy a quiet flight. And even if the results aren't actually fatal, I've heard that brain damaged children can be a load of fun for the parents who have to care for them for the rest of their lives.

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  • chuy

    It's wrong, you should try benadryl first before using alcohol.

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  • Ummitsstillme

    "Come now children it's time for your nyquil"

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    • chuy

      That works too

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  • raisinbran

    Give it elephant tranquilizer instead.

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    • RoseIsabella

      PCP?

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      • raisinbran

        no, the real stuff

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  • Doesnormalmatter

    You are either scum or a troll.

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    • Toenails

      Smart money says troll.

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  • RavenCage

    I've only seen that happen as a joke on a comedy skit. In real life this must be illegal.

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  • cupcake_wants

    This is what Casey Anthony did.

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  • RoseIsabella

    I've heard of people giving babies a little bit of whiskey in their bottles, and I don't think it's a good idea. What you are suggesting is a lot of alcohol for a tiny person, a lot. It's probably considered child abuse, as well as being illegal.

    Additionally, alcohol is a bit of an acquired taste. How would you plan on getting the child to drink the vodka? If you force feed the alcohol that is abuse as well.

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    • Ichabuskene

      I thought you're supposed to dab your finger in some whiskey and rub it on their gums?

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      • RoseIsabella

        That sounds familiar.

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        • libertybell

          That's if they're teething.

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          • RoseIsabella

            Yeah.

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  • dimwitted

    That's a medical question particularly if you don't know the long term effects.

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