Girls, what do you think about a guy who has never been in a relationship?

19 Comments

This is preferably a question for the ladies, but any input will be appreciated. I'm a 28 year old male and I've never had a girlfriend or asked a girl out. I could give many reasons why. I've dealt with a lot of social anxiety in my lifetime, but ultimately it's just me making excuses for myself. However, I'm trying to face my demons and I really feel like this year could be a turning point in my life. So, I need some advice on this one because I'm sick of missing on opportunities.

I've talked to this girl a few times. She's very attractive and I like her personality. I recently had a conversation. I was trying hard to keep the conversation going and felt like things were going pretty well. I could tell she was interested based on what she was saying. She asked me how long ago my previous relationship was, how long it lasted, and why it ended? I wasn't expecting it, and I obviously didn't know how to respond. I told her I've never really been in a serious relationship. She seemed surprised and responded saying "you're too good." I didn't know what to say to that. I thought she might've been joking so I laughed, but apparently it rubbed her wrong because she quickly ended the conversation and walked away, and I was just sitting there like, what just happened? I was simply being honest. It made me feel like shit, and thinking I'm gonna be lonely forever because of this. Should I have lied? Should I have said I didn't want to talk about it? How should I have responded? Was she out of line? I need some answers. Thank you.

It doesn't really matter	19
It's a turn off	3
It's a turn on	5
He's probably an arrogant D-bag	1
What a loser!	1
He's stuck up	1
Other (please comment)	1

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Comments ( 19 )

RoseIsabella

5 years ago

In the early twenties I would have thought it wasn't too big of a deal, but the older a guy gets the more it can be uncomfortable, because of the pressure of being someone's first. Maybe you could meet a nice girl who is not unlike yourself at a church, or something if you are into that sort of thing? I think the older you get the more it might freak some women out, but not necessarily all women. Try to meet someone who's not in too much of a rush. I think it's kinda weird that she was trying to ask you about exes so soon when she hardly knew you.

I dunno, I'm kinda jaded about people wanting to talk too much about their exes, because my last ex was always talking about this one crazy ass ex of his. I would rather focus on the here, and now. I'm not trying to hide my past, or be with anyone who is secretive about his past, but I don't wanna be around people who are obsessed with their pasts.

Are you a member of a gym? A gym can be a great place to meet people, and also workout of course. Do you have any hobbies? Maybe you could take a class for adult enrichment, or personal enlightenment, or even check out meetup.com as another way to meet people. If you own a dog taking an obedience class with your dog can be a great way to get out, and about more.

I feel like a hypocrite telling you this, because I have been becoming increasingly more, and more isolative, and introverted within the past year, but basically you are not doing yourself any favors by letting your social anxiety control your life. There, I said it. I addressed the big elephant in the room. Social interaction is a skill, and just like any other skill you need to practice in order to improve your skill.

This is none of my business, but are you neurotypical?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  I'm not autistic and I don't have any sort of mental illness, so yes, I consider myself neruotypical.
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  What is neurotypical?
  
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  - [Old Memory]
    
    5 years ago
    
    Neurotypical- not displaying or characterized by autistic or other neurologically atypical patterns of thought or behavior.
    
    In short, a brain that thinks and functions normally
    
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CuteLoli69

5 years ago

I know you’re looking for female asnswers but I’m about the same age as you and still a Virgin and never been in a relationship either.

Introverted people such as myself just have a hard time reaching out and as the someone said earlier the older we get and the longer it takes the more of a turnoff it is to be with a guy with literally zero experience.

I’m at the stage in my life where I’m not desperate but trying to find someone who’s not going to be overly judgy and wants to get to know you despite your lack of experience is hard.

Take for example dating apps like tinder or bumble...most are looking for very attractive guys for hook ups so 99% assume you’ll have experience and it sucks when you talk them into meeting with you (if you even match with someone) only to have to find a way to tell them you’ve never done this before lol.

Trying to date and meet people in person is even worse because at our age they’ll also assume that as well. This is why most guys just give up and call up sex workers so they won’t feel left out...it sucks. There are tons of nice awesome guys out there that woman are missing out on because they don’t want to deal with late bloomers like us.

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IceRed

5 years ago

No point overthinking that moment in the conversation...there's no way you will actually deduce what she was thinking of without getting an answer from her.

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kokematsu

5 years ago

Cute. I'm 27/f and never been in a real relationship either. Sadly that girl's response is probably pretty normal even from guys too. They assume something is wrong with you, which I guess it true from their perspective. but it's not like no one ever asked me, I just always turned them down and avoid getting close with people in general.

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curious-bunny

5 years ago

Lying necer good, by laughing you made it seem like you are a player. Just talk to to her tell her what's up and that you arnt particularly experinces when talking to the fairer sex

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309uf2o38yf

5 years ago

I prefer it. Both of my husbands were virgins and I was their first relationship.

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Retsama

5 years ago

I have never been in relationship and I hope with my 22 years old I will find ! I always see the same friends and I spend a lot of time to study ! (I'm a man)

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Tealights

5 years ago

Ugh, it's hard to give solid advice on this because there are so many factors that could be involved.

All I can say is, keep trying and don't take rejection so hard; because there's billions of people in the world, you logically have over 1000 possible partners in your location alone.

You're going to make a lot of mistakes that most people already made in their teens and 20's, so some may be understanding while many will not give you the time of day or find you suspicious. Follow RoseIsabella's advice, and just meet women in places that hold your interest.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  For every failed opportunity I believe there is a lesson to be learned. Every interaction you have there is something you can take away from it, but I agree, this was complicated. Thinking about it too much probably just complicates things more and creates more anxiety. I'm just trying to figure out what went wrong and what I can do better.
  
  You're right though, I'm probably going to make a lot of mistakes. Looking at it now, I should've taken action when I was younger because now I feel like I'm "behind the 8-ball" so to speak, which only makes things that much harder. Problem is I didn't really have the right mindset then to really want to improve myself. I feel like I've grown a lot just by working to develop a better mindset. It's easy to think about change, but actually taking action is another thing.
  
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  - Tealights
    
    5 years ago
    
    The girl could have been a spy from the future sent to terminate you, but realize you're actually a good person and is now conflicted. OR....
    
    Okay, jokes aside, "You're too good," is probably short for, "You're too good to be true." Which means your social skills are getting better at least lol. The girl is probably overly cautious due to past experiences with seemingly nice men who turned out to be monsters; she probably doesn't know what signs to look for to separate bad men from the good. So I wouldn't sweat over it, since at your age you're going to run into a lot of women with emotional baggage, children from previous men, money problems, etc.
    
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Ellenna

5 years ago

Create an opportunity to talk with her again and say something along the lines of: "If you meant I'm too good for you, I'm not and I'd like to get to know you better."

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JellyBeanBandit

5 years ago

She said "You're too good"? What does that mean? You're too good not to have had a girlfriend? What kind of tone did she say it in? Sorry for all the questions but I don't get that one part, and the entire story hinges on that. Plus I'm curious about this as well since I'm 27 and never had a girlfriend.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  I don't completely get it either. That's why I'm on here asking questions. It was kind of strange to me because some of the questions she asked me during the conversation honestly made me feel like I was being interviewed. They seemed to be well thought out and I really feel like she was interested in dating me, but she was trying to feel me out to figure out if I was someone she really wanted to date.
  
  I don't think she meant I was too good for her specifically because I was asking questions and really trying to get to know her, so that really wouldn't make sense. Her response could've meant a few things. Maybe she thought I was arrogant because I thought I was too good for other girls. Maybe she's looking for security in a relationship and she thought I would be the type of person to bail out at the first thing I didn't like. Maybe she has been hurt in the past and thought I was a player, so she was afraid I just wanted to get in her pants, then leave. Maybe she thought I was lying because she thought I might've done something bad in a past relationship. Whatever the case, it was obviously a deal breaker for her.
  
  I remember her saying it with a straight face. I don't think she was smiling or laughing when she said it. Looking back at it, I should've called her out on that response because it obviously wasn't true. However, I couldn't really tell if she was kidding or being serious. Also, in the moment I didn't know what to say or how to explain why I haven't been in a relationship. It's not something I was prepared for. I didn't know what was going on.
  
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  - JellyBeanBandit
    
    5 years ago
    
    Well if she does think any of those things then that's her mistake, you have nothing to feel bad for. Maybe if she still seems really offish next time you could just ask her what she meant when she said that before? And if she seems completely normal then maybe she didn't mean anything by it and it's all in your head?
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      5 years ago
      
      You're right, I could ask her what she meant, but it might make it awkward for her, so I don't know if she will be honest about it. At the same time, I would have nothing to lose. If I happen to have a conversation with her again I will ask her.
      
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      - JellyBeanBandit
        
        5 years ago
        
        Cool, let us know how it goes if you do.
        
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Are You Normal?

Girls, what do you think about a guy who has never been in a relationship?