Girlfriend putting on weight?

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  • If you really want to tell her make sure you're gentle about it. I've been told by a partner that they don't find parts of my self attractive anymore, and it really fucking hurts.

    Also, keep in mind that I'm sure she's already aware of her fat. If it's noticeable to you, you can bet it's noticeable to her. She might be pretty insecure about it already, and hearing from you how much you dislike it could magnify that insecurity and hurt a lot. It's equally possible that she loves her fat body and won't want to change it for you no matter what. These obstacles to mutual happiness aren't your fault and they're not her fault, they're just points of difference that may be irreconcilable and you ought to be aware of them before you talk to her about it.

    Suggesting exercise together could represent a good solution, simply because it's equalizing.

    As a final point: I truly believe a person can expand their mind to love different body types. That's certainly my lived experience of attraction. I wasn't born attracted to the bodies I am. I wasn't socialized in the mainstream to be attracted to the bodies I am. I think in a case like yours, where there is a history of attraction to your girlfriend, it seems perfectly possible. To be 100% crystal clear: I'm not saying all or even most of the change that needs to happen in this relationship should be on you. Your experience of what it means to be attracted to a body might be totally different to mine, and it may be that none of this paragraph resonates with you as a potential solution to the problems in your relationship. What I am doing is suggesting an alternative solution, which I can't see anyone else has suggested yet, and I feel like this comment wouldn't be complete without mentioning that.

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